Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

December 21, 2012 (The world didn’t end. This is the first day of the rest of your life. Also, it’s Hamburger Day, Kiwi Fruit Day [in California] and, of course, Winter Solstice!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • Gregorio can fix cars but I heard he fixed Alex’s BMW (Black mans weiner) [Oooooh, BURN!]
  • Saw a car with this bumper sticker: “We say Christmas.” I say potato. #waronpotatoes (Everybody has a cause…)
  • omg the hair stylist after cutting her bangs: “you just got banged” (Perhaps a bit tactless and too far..?)
  • Prenatal pills in my shampoo have helped my hair grow so much.
  • I can’t believe my daughter shit on the bathroom wall yesterday hahahahhahaha (I don’t find this funny. Should I not have kids?)
  • Just found 80 bucks in my back pocket really wanna know where it came from #win (Damn. Now THAT’S a good day!)
  • Dear tourists in new york please be more aware of your surroundings i am hungover i will shoulder charge if need be
  • I think i’ve gotten to mature for facebook… (I disagree…)
  • I’ve always loved beer but for you ill make an acceptation (Sounds like you loved beer too much before tweeting this…)
  • it’s gonna take 2 good dumps and some COD/Halo wins for me to want to go out tonight… happy to report that we’re on track for hoodrat shit
  • I got a septum ring collecting boogers like it’s his job. (EEEWWW. Gross gross gross #gross)
  • Lisa’s baby shower!!! 👶💙🍼 #babynoname #cantfigureitout #yolo
  • If you live in Washington or Colorado you can finally buy #weed with the Visa gift card your grandma gives you for Christmas. #jealous (Oh, how the holidays have changed.)
  • Jencarlos lives on a diet of hairy pencil cases (Does this make sense to anyone else?)
  • My blood type is diet coke (‘Merica)
  • Is it rude to shave your armpits in public? (Maybe not rude, but ill-advised, I’d say.)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

December 14, 2012 (You. Guys. It’s MONKEY DAY, also National Salesperson Day, so give your sales team props! Especially if they’re a group of monkeys.)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • I just remembered I paid $50 for an oil change and tire rotation…. Anyone else wanna rape my ass? (Some things you just don’t forget, I guess…)
  • My vibrator name would probably be the little engine that could. (#TwitterTMI)
  • It’s cute when they put expiration dates on snacks like I won’t eat them as soon as I get to my car. (I mean…good point.)
  • I love how i can freely scratch myself in my own car [followed by]
  • i can stealth scratch in the cubicle for days (#MaybeYouShouldGetThatCheckedOut)
  • my mom always has scissors in her car so she can steal flowers from ppl’s gardens (She’s teaching proper preparation, as a mom should…)
  • Lmao who left a “let’s get our balls wet” towel in my car? (Who indeed?)
  • I just hit a banana peel with my car. My car didn’t stop or spin around. So disappointed. (#MarioKartTweets)
  • Some people shave their legs when they go out with someone they like. I shave my ponies. #notaeuphemism (Wait…what??)
  • Watching a movie with my mom and a sex scene comes on … Thank God for the dryer beeping ! Holy Awkward! #SaveByTheBell (My parents just always made me cover my eyes. Doesn’t everyone’s?)
  • calling me mainstream is like shitting on a microwave. like what are you doing with your life? (It makes sense…yet…doesn’t…)
  • Sex Fact: People who have sex about three times a week are perceived to look four to seven years younger. Better than botox! #fb (A fact, you say?)
  • I’m gonna love having long hurr this winter short hair be havin my neck all cold lol (Big ideas. This guy, he has big ideas.#bigideas)
  • you had me at blood and semen. (Um…..)
  • Dashing thru the blood, of all the human slain! (Someone has the wrong kind of holiday spirit, methinks…)
  • I think the best birth control is wearing crocs . (A sellable point…)
  • razors pain you rivers are damp acid stains you drugs cause cramps guns aren’t lawful nooses give gas smells awful, you might as well live~ (My head just exploded. I can’t even…)
  • A blessing: May your child be born early in the month so she or he has an easier time with Web drop-down menus that ask for birthday. (#FirstWorldBlessings)
  • “I feel like there just needs to be a dessert that no one really likes, you know?” -whoever invented fruitcake
  • “Sweet potatoes and hotdogs for dinner?” “Yes, it’s a random combination… still not as bad as Nirvana and Paul McCartney though.” #truth
  • [[Don’t go to the link]] Fibroids In Uterus+odor http //fibroids-in-uterus-odor.nbashoesssale.com (Everything about this spam tweet is wrong…)
  • You drive a Volvo? I pictured you in more of a muscle car (naked and with one of those horse tail dildos up your butt of course. (Well…that tweet took a turn for the awkward.)
  • Wonder if Taylor’s swift is gonna get some birthday sex..
  • good evening Twitter followers it was a grey cloudy day her in jax today dinner chicken string beans sweet potato tweet you later (I fell asleep halfway through this tweet…)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list! Also, here’s a picture of a monkey…for monkey day. I like monkeys.

I...like...Monkeys

I…like…Monkeys

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

December 7, 2012 (National Cotton Candy Day – Seems a little unseasonable – and National Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • The wife just caught me blow drying my penis & asked what I was doing. Apparently, heating her dinner wasn’t the right answer (But…why were you..? Nevermind. Just, nevermind.)
  • Fran feeds fish fresh fish food. (betcha can’t say it three times fast)
  • Bed sheets should not smell like Hungry Jacks (Valid point…)
  • Someone threw a snowball at my car while I was driving down 22. I hope they get raped. (A bit of an overreaction, maybe?)
  • UPDATE my vet is really hot (And thus begins many unexplained illnesses for her pet)
  • A dog just winked at me. Does this mean I’m it’s owner now? Always wanted a winking dog (Winking is nine-tenths of the law, right?)
  • I spit words like I’m pregnant with the dictionary (Ok, Twitter rapper. That’s a new one for me…)
  • Being an injured athlete is like being a porn camera guy, you only get to watch the action (A poignant and pretty true statement, actually.)
  • oops a wee bit of poop just slid out my butt… get back up there poop (Eh…I just don’t…ew. Just ew.)
  • Give me that brain till my legs hurt!!! (Did brain become innuendo at some point, and I just missed it?)
  • Let me go wash my ass, shave my balls and go enjoy this weather .. Y’all be good .. Holla if u in the bity(city) (1. Who’s stopping you? 2. Why, just, why? and 3. If you’re going to parenthetically correct city, why not just type city?)
  • A low cut shirt makes up for messy hair #everygirlknows #everygirldoesit (Ladies, is this, in fact, something you all know and do? #HashtagsDontLie)
  • “hey do you guys mind if I pinch your nipple, eat your food, and talk about how tight my butthole is?” #notokay (Everyone has that friend I guess…)
  • Weather is amazing. Fairways are turning green again in December #grassconfused (#TexasProblems)
  • Hoooooly shit, the Mexican version of Lil Wayne just walked into my office. Ha! Goofy Ass looking clown… #elpequenowayne (Worth noting, just for the hashtag)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

November 30, 2012 (The last day of Movember, so show off that mustache with pride. Then shave it off in the morning!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • I got 99 problems and my cat is all of them (I feel for ya homie…)
  • I broke down and bought Pokemon Black and White 2. Never know when I will feel like being humiliated by an 8yo Japanese kid. (Oh and you will be, my friend. You will be.)
  • Obmama is my president till i die….. (Ahem…I have some bad news for you about 2016, buddy…also, that kind of dedication should come with proper spelling.)
  • I wish Tuesday was an actual person so I could bicycle kick him in the teeth (Tell us how you really feel.)
  • was just asked “Can I shave your hair off and make a pillow out of it?” #creep #silkyhairprobs (Ok, WHO says that?)
  • Aaron Rogers really need to shave….. He has a squirrel on his lip (But everyone likes squirrel
  • Post-workout meal – Omelette du fromage #dexterslab #gym (I. LOVED. This episode of Dexter’s Lab!)
  • My teeth feel naked! (Um…when do they ever feel clothed?)
  • if she’s wearing yoga pants I’m gonna look… How was I supposed to know you’re daughter is 12 (My guess is…if she looks like a child.)
  • I’ve yet to see a Sunggie from which I wanted said access. I’m no Gynecologist, but I do posess a PhTroll. (Does anyone follow this..?)
  • I’m nervous! I want long hair but I’m scared I’ll end up growing a mustache instead. (I think she’s confused about how hair works…)
  • Marisol does not want hairy gizzards (But really, who does? Amiright? Guys?)
  • SHE WAS THE ONE THAT PUSHED ME FIRST, SO I GRABBED HER BY THE HAIR AND KNEED HER IN THE FACE (Whoa…it got real.)
  • No Shave November has really taken its toll on my body, i keep sitting on my nuts (How…how the HELL are those related?)
  • I think I might shave my bread off ! (lolz typoz)
  • Have to get my finger shoes from tan (…finger…shoes..?)
  • Grrr all i want is to be noticed or followed by @justinbieber for christmas. That wud be one good christmas present! (Way to aim high…but Santa probably isn’t bringing you what you want this year.)
  • Coach was pissed when i was still overweight this practice “sigh” now i gotta lose 5lbs in one night :( (#WhyIneverWrestled)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

June 15th, 2012 (National Flip Flop Day, according to Tropical Smoothie Cafe! Yeah!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • Guy stopped me as I was picking up dog poop and offered to “take care of that for me.” Thank you, sir, for redefining creepy. (I was just trying to be helpful. Sheesh, can’t even offer to pick up poop these days…)
  • dam ppl running around naked eating bitches face off the world is really comin to an end ! (Actually, I contend that this sentence structure is the reason the world is really coming to an end)
  • My mom thinks LOL stands for “lots of love” she just texted me “Your grandfather just died. LOL.” (Never gets old…haha)
  • OK, good news, finally: my blood test results came back fine, I don’t have typhoid problems or diabeetus or Stanky AIDS Malaria or such (Just, all the things. All the things are wrong.)
  • Going to lunch with my mom sister and my sisters fetus (So, at what stage do you stop calling it a fetus?)
  • My skull sweating, a pistol to it. The tool clicks. BLAST. My face opens like Spring sun hitting a tulip (I always get a little freaked out when I see tweets like this…)
  • Saw a ribbon car magnet this morning that said “Support Zombies”. Awesome. (They’re people too, right?)
  • i think all your makeup is weighing you down while you’re running on that treadmill. at the gym.. again, at the gym.. you’re at the gym. (I find myself making this statement all the time)
  • Ken Dodd’s dad’s dog ‘s dead. (Inadvertent tongue twister?)
  • My realtor sucks. How hard is it to find me a house with a giant mega fun ball pit in the goddamn living room? (Maybe someone should help this guy with managing expectations…)

There you are folks! I will try to keep this going on a weekly basis. Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great ones worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.