Found Tweet Friday

Found Tweet Friday!

December 21, 2012 (The world didn’t end. This is the first day of the rest of your life. Also, it’s Hamburger Day, Kiwi Fruit Day [in California] and, of course, Winter Solstice!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • Gregorio can fix cars but I heard he fixed Alex’s BMW (Black mans weiner) [Oooooh, BURN!]
  • Saw a car with this bumper sticker: “We say Christmas.” I say potato. #waronpotatoes (Everybody has a cause…)
  • omg the hair stylist after cutting her bangs: “you just got banged” (Perhaps a bit tactless and too far..?)
  • Prenatal pills in my shampoo have helped my hair grow so much.
  • I can’t believe my daughter shit on the bathroom wall yesterday hahahahhahaha (I don’t find this funny. Should I not have kids?)
  • Just found 80 bucks in my back pocket really wanna know where it came from #win (Damn. Now THAT’S a good day!)
  • Dear tourists in new york please be more aware of your surroundings i am hungover i will shoulder charge if need be
  • I think i’ve gotten to mature for facebook… (I disagree…)
  • I’ve always loved beer but for you ill make an acceptation (Sounds like you loved beer too much before tweeting this…)
  • it’s gonna take 2 good dumps and some COD/Halo wins for me to want to go out tonight… happy to report that we’re on track for hoodrat shit
  • I got a septum ring collecting boogers like it’s his job. (EEEWWW. Gross gross gross #gross)
  • Lisa’s baby shower!!! πŸ‘ΆπŸ’™πŸΌ #babynoname #cantfigureitout #yolo
  • If you live in Washington or Colorado you can finally buy #weed with the Visa gift card your grandma gives you for Christmas. #jealous (Oh, how the holidays have changed.)
  • Jencarlos lives on a diet of hairy pencil cases (Does this make sense to anyone else?)
  • My blood type is diet coke (‘Merica)
  • Is it rude to shave your armpits in public? (Maybe not rude, but ill-advised, I’d say.)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

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