Bratz – Robzie.com

Found Tweet Friday!

November 16, 2012 (Queue up in the drive-thru lane, it’s National Fast Food Day! Tomorrow is National Baklava Day. I like that better.)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

i like to peel the bark off the trees as they shed in the fall and i watch all the bugs crawl up my arm and into my eyes. (*Someone* needs to lay off the drugs…)
Driving with the hood of my car down (I don’t think that word means what you think it means.)
My sister said you think if I do crack I’ll loose my stomach.. I don’t think you’ll loose your stomach you’ll probly loose your teeth haha (Well, it certainly wouldn’t help your spelling…)
Barbie was a vet, an astronaut, a teacher and a mom. I’m pretty sure Bratz dolls just get plowed in public bathrooms. (Glad I refused to buy those for my little sister, I suppose)
you really smell like dog buns (Compliment, or not? One could argue both, I suppose.)
I’m hungry af. I want some grandma (I REALLY hope there was more context to this conversation)
Gonna convince Gus to shave his pits. Why must guys have hairy pits? Who likes this? How is deodorant supposed to work w bush pits? Tell me. (You have to admit, she makes a convincing argument)
One time, my legs fell asleep while I was pooping, so I punched them til they woke up. (Everything? Does everything have to be tweeted about?)
I got my waxed mustache, my velocipede, my diving horse act, my animal cruelty conviction, a striped prison outfit, and rock breaking detail (It started out normal, then just got more and more confusing…)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!