Found Tweet Friday

Found Tweet Friday!

September 28, 2012 (It’s. Drink. Beer. Day! You have a holiday’s permission to have a great weekend.)

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • Dear macho man going for a run in the rain, when you come to the front desk, turn off your iPod. I hear your TSwift plain as day. (busted dude…)
  • I’m REALLY high, & my mom came back from the dentist & her mouth was numb so she talked sloppy. My laugh x10 DEAR LORD. Cx
  • The one day I come home for lunch..and the dog throws up, and then eats it back up. I don’t want to live here anymore. #timetomoveout (I don’t think that’s an overreaction at all…)
  • They designed the iPhone 5 to fit perfectly in your pocket. Right where your money used to be. (Oooh burrrrn.)
  • bummed to realize my ipod is dead as i arrive at the gym. BUT universe threw me a bone: burly man doing 30 mins of dead lifts. in HOT PANTS. (Hooray for small victories?)
  • Please go see #Lawless so they continue to make movies like it. Also, take birth control or you will be pregnant w/ Tom Hardy’s babies after (Maybe they should sell protection at the door)
  • A hairy window broke a silly pineapple with a blue fridge and everyday a grape licks a friendly cow. (You figure it out…)
  • She had wrinkles in her pleated skirt.. that’s IRONic (wah wah waaaaaah)
  • Mom Trying to have the straight talk with me in the car ride… To the Mall. TO GO SHOPPING (Kind of seems to defeat the purpose, either way)
  • @xxxxxxxx: “I’m going to a wedding Saturday. Do I need a haircut?” @xxxxxxxxx: “Did you just ask if you needed a handpuppet? Yes!” (Who doesn’t need a handpuppet at a wedding? Obviously.)
  • Headed to an AYCE Brazilian steakhouse tonight. Couldn’t be more excited. Bring on the #brotein! (Please, no one brand the term Brotein. Please.)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

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