Found Tweet Friday

Found Tweet Friday!

July 7th, 2012 (National Confectioner’s Association-recognized “Chocolate Day!”)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • i want to be a milf when im older (We all have to have aspirations, right?)
  • I just had a dream there were ninjas dancing on my car while I was driving
  • Just saw a mother and daughter both reading “50 Shades of Grey” at Starbucks. #uncomfortableconversations (Not the ideal family reading material. But I guess some just have that kind of relationship with their parents…)
  • I’m growing a beard! Not a Katie Holmes or Kelly Preston – I’m talking facial hair. #FB
  • Some days you think you are pretty hot shit and then the dog throws up on you (I feel the same way about my cat’s hairballs. There’s just no way to be cool and clean that up)
  • ZZ Top turned down offer to shave beards for $1 million for Gillette advertisement (Now THAT is dedication that few have)
  • Nothing like a giant summer hair chop that you didn’t ask for @XXXXsalon! Oh, the things I will Yelp (yeah, your business doesn’t need to pay attention to social media? I submit that it does. Name XXXXed out for obvious reasons)
  • Every sphincter can relax through conscious connection in anal breathing (Is this just a fancy way to say “Relax and pass gas”?)
  • You know its July when your sandal tan lines are just as bad as your bikini tan lines… #SorryImFromCali (This one is specifically for my girlfriend, who the the most noticeable flip-flop tan lines I’ve ever seen ;D )
  • There will also never be a time when it’s acceptable to wear jean capris w/lime green neon socks & black sparkly wedges. #badfashionchoices (I have many friends who would likely call those good fashion choices…)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

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