Found Tweet Friday

Found Tweet Friday!

December 7, 2012 (National Cotton Candy Day – Seems a little unseasonable – and National Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • The wife just caught me blow drying my penis & asked what I was doing. Apparently, heating her dinner wasn’t the right answer (But…why were you..? Nevermind. Just, nevermind.)
  • Fran feeds fish fresh fish food. (betcha can’t say it three times fast)
  • Bed sheets should not smell like Hungry Jacks (Valid point…)
  • Someone threw a snowball at my car while I was driving down 22. I hope they get raped. (A bit of an overreaction, maybe?)
  • UPDATE my vet is really hot (And thus begins many unexplained illnesses for her pet)
  • A dog just winked at me. Does this mean I’m it’s owner now? Always wanted a winking dog (Winking is nine-tenths of the law, right?)
  • I spit words like I’m pregnant with the dictionary (Ok, Twitter rapper. That’s a new one for me…)
  • Being an injured athlete is like being a porn camera guy, you only get to watch the action (A poignant and pretty true statement, actually.)
  • oops a wee bit of poop just slid out my butt… get back up there poop (Eh…I just don’t…ew. Just ew.)
  • Give me that brain till my legs hurt!!! (Did brain become innuendo at some point, and I just missed it?)
  • Let me go wash my ass, shave my balls and go enjoy this weather .. Y’all be good .. Holla if u in the bity(city) (1. Who’s stopping you? 2. Why, just, why? and 3. If you’re going to parenthetically correct city, why not just type city?)
  • A low cut shirt makes up for messy hair #everygirlknows #everygirldoesit (Ladies, is this, in fact, something you all know and do? #HashtagsDontLie)
  • “hey do you guys mind if I pinch your nipple, eat your food, and talk about how tight my butthole is?” #notokay (Everyone has that friend I guess…)
  • Weather is amazing. Fairways are turning green again in December #grassconfused (#TexasProblems)
  • Hoooooly shit, the Mexican version of Lil Wayne just walked into my office. Ha! Goofy Ass looking clown… #elpequenowayne (Worth noting, just for the hashtag)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

%d bloggers like this: