Found Tweet Friday

Found Tweet Friday!

June 15th, 2012 (National Flip Flop Day, according to Tropical Smoothie Cafe! Yeah!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • Guy stopped me as I was picking up dog poop and offered to “take care of that for me.” Thank you, sir, for redefining creepy. (I was just trying to be helpful. Sheesh, can’t even offer to pick up poop these days…)
  • dam ppl running around naked eating bitches face off the world is really comin to an end ! (Actually, I contend that this sentence structure is the reason the world is really coming to an end)
  • My mom thinks LOL stands for “lots of love” she just texted me “Your grandfather just died. LOL.” (Never gets old…haha)
  • OK, good news, finally: my blood test results came back fine, I don’t have typhoid problems or diabeetus or Stanky AIDS Malaria or such (Just, all the things. All the things are wrong.)
  • Going to lunch with my mom sister and my sisters fetus (So, at what stage do you stop calling it a fetus?)
  • My skull sweating, a pistol to it. The tool clicks. BLAST. My face opens like Spring sun hitting a tulip (I always get a little freaked out when I see tweets like this…)
  • Saw a ribbon car magnet this morning that said “Support Zombies”. Awesome. (They’re people too, right?)
  • i think all your makeup is weighing you down while you’re running on that treadmill. at the gym.. again, at the gym.. you’re at the gym. (I find myself making this statement all the time)
  • Ken Dodd’s dad’s dog ‘s dead. (Inadvertent tongue twister?)
  • My realtor sucks. How hard is it to find me a house with a giant mega fun ball pit in the goddamn living room? (Maybe someone should help this guy with managing expectations…)

There you are folks! I will try to keep this going on a weekly basis. Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great ones worth pointing out, send them to me at

Now go get your social on!

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