Found Tweet Friday

Found Tweet Friday!

November 9, 2012 (Cook Something Bold & Pungent Day! Also, Domino Day, celebrating the world record!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  •  If I drink alcohol, I am an alcoholic. But if I drink fanta than . . . I am fantastic! (Sounds like solid reasoning to me.)
  • i don’t even enjoy watching porn anymore #Confession I get so bored now… (A sad realization indeed…)
  • FISH TITS (I mean…I guess that says it all, right?)
  • This is what I get for taking a nap… I end up with a STD. (I don’t even know where to begin figuring out what this means.)
  • Many will tell you to go vote today. I, however, will use this opportunity to suggest you learn to ride a motorcycle. (Seize the day, as it were)
  • Seeing a lot of “I voted” stickers, not one “I didn’t vote” sticker. Market potential? (Take non-voter shaming to a highly visible new level)
  • Having lunch at a place that reeks of trophy wife perfume. (Eu du Golddigger. Coming to a Macy’s near you.)
  • I’m not talking shit on nor’easter, last time I talked about sandy, she gave my car the FINISH HIM (I think this means his car was decapitated, or had its spine pulled out. Definitely one of those two.)
  • If he wins, can I have the wine you’re not drinking? Not because I’ll be depressed. Just because I love wine. (Admitting it to yourself is the first step.)
  • This election has lasted more than 4 hours. I’m calling my doctor (Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff…)
  • Drunk Nate Silver standing outside my gyno office yelling out exact days of ovulation at random women. (This meme is one of my favorites in a very long time)
  • I got arrested …Development on DVD. (I like where your mind is buddy!)
  • I have five fingers on each hand for every mistake that I’ve made, plus my tongue is tied to tonsils and I need to shit and shave. (I…what? It seemed so insightful, and then just went horribly awry.)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

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