Found Tweet Friday

Found Tweet Friday!

May 18, 2012

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • Was told this weekend is a Mexican holiday…I must ride a wooden stick horse with no pants, wear a fake moustache, and sleep in vomit! (I’m fairly certain those things have absolutely nothing to do with Cinco de Mayo. Ah, America…)
  • Klout thinks im influential about running. I hate running. (You expected Klout to know the real you…?)
  • Give your mom something she really deserves this Mother’s Day: an apology. (Ouch. That’s a dim outlook. Sorry mom…?)
  • Overheard: “That guy should be in a retirement home, ’cause he’s a pervert.” (Sound right. I’ve heard about those old men at retirement homes. They kind of ARE perverts…)
  • Will exchange sexual acts for new house slippers! #anytakers? #oldladytweets? (Boy the standards have gone down these days…)
  • Facebook status: “How short should I get my hair cut?” Comment: “Just cut a mundane-question-that-no-one-cares-about’s worth.” (SOMEone was in a mood…)
  • A dog who attends a flea circus most likely will steal the whole show. (Two drums and cymbal fall off a cliff)
  • To lazy too pee (You get a D- for effort. You’re lucky I don’t fail you…)
  • I always wanted a baby manatee. An adult manatee would never fit in my bathtub (It makes sense, yet is still so ridiculous…)
  • I hope my job’s hair gets sucked into the back of hell’s hair dryer, eaten in a Faustian quiche & twosied out of satan’s bifurcated humdrum (I…just…wait. What…?)
  • Wonder if iron man even irons his own clothes… And what if he’s anemic for lack or Iron? Wouldn’t it be ironic? #epictweet (You have now ruined the word iron…)

There you are folks! I will try to keep this going on a weekly basis. Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great ones worth pointing out, send them to me at

I’m also on the hunt for guest bloggers, so if you’re interesting, have a point of view and a personality, and love social media, send me an email. Bonus points if you like to blog about social media for small and local business!

Now go get your social on!

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