Found Tweet Friday

Found Tweet Friday!

May 11th, 2012

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • I woke and my lick was in my living room my fuckin grandma lets anyone in (Grandma’s a free spirit, what can she say? And it’s your own fault for leaving your lick in the living room…..Wait. What’s a lick, anyway? Someone help me with this one.)
  • Fact #20- two nude self portraits of me currently hang on display in my parents’ living room. Yeah, that’s me West Bend. Deal with it. (Well that’s just awkward…I mean, I guess they’re really proud parents, right?)
  • me &my mama havin a Movie night in the living room on friday.. Just like the good old days -when i was an ONLY child. (Yikes! Sibling rivalry much?)
  • When you’re out to dinner with your dad and he sees someone he knows and leaves you to go talk to them. #stranded #potato (One of these hash tags is not like the other)
  • If u gt dne wrg by family dnt unexpect that frm sumbdy thats nt. #JustSayn (WHY? WHY do you hate the vowels?? What did they ever (I do to you?)
  • Every time some douche decides to wear a polo shirt Satan steals the souls of six babies. Please, save them and don’t wear that shit ever (I wonder how many he steals if you pop the collar? Does it double?)
  • food menu is legit and the boot well if you can walk away from it you a better man then me i drank what and got home how ??? hahah (In re: to a 3 liter beer boot. Obviously, written post consumption)
  • oooh nice! We have naked babies running around here tonight cuz of the heat lol. I’m just watching tv (Wait, shouldn’t you be watching the naked babies so they don’t, y’know, hurt themselves?)
  • Mom is half off on Mothers Day! Come join us at ********** (Business name withheld for obvious reasons. Who sells half off moms on Mother’s Day? Have some dignity people! Or some grammar. You had plenty of characters left in your tweet to fix that…)
  • I’ve never seen a Brazilian woman’s breasts, but I can only assume pineapples and other tropical fruits grow from them (It’s unfortunate how sorely let down he may be one day.)
  • Horse Massage Therapist Opens for Business (I have a feeling, in this economy, this might be a tough racket to keep afloat.)
BONUS: For those of you who, like me, were excited this week to hear President Obama’s (albeit politically motivated) endorsement of gay marriage, here is a funny Tumblr full of GIFs to make you giggle. Have a great weekend.

There you are folks! I will try to keep this going on a weekly basis. Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great ones worth pointing out, send them to me at

Now go get your social on!

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