Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

August 3rd, 2012 (Watermelon day! Picnic anyone?)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • I can’t tell if this dude is running for exercise or if he’s being chased by invisible werewolves (It really is hard to tell. Some people run very frantically for no reason.)
  • I accidentally used Right Guard. Now I smell like a middle school gym locker in 1980.
  • Willa kissed neil then asked “did that taste like dog lips!?” hahahahaha things you don’t want to hear from your 4 yr old. (Sometimes the honesty of a child is not the best thing.)
  • CAT WOMAN, HAVE MY BABIES (Yeah. Can’t disagree with that one.)
  • Everywear I go bittchs always know charlie scene has a wenine that he loves to show, BITTCH, wake up grab beer,grab rear,shave beerd, H.U. (It…it just hurts me so.)
  • grammy: “she tried to get me to get a brazilian wax, it was kinda kinky.” me: “yeah, hairless vaginas…kinky.” grammy: “i know right.” (#generationgap)
  • Maybe you should eat some of that makeup so it can make you pretty on the inside too or kill you… (Twitter just got real vicious. Yikes.)
  • i fucking hate my father i can’t wait to live out of the house where i can fap in peace. (there’s a REALLY awkward story here…)
  • he looked great til his eyebrows punched me in the tit (Wait…what? How? I just don’t even…)
  • On the bright side, Snoop Dogg / Lion just gave Apple a brand new cat to work with for their next OS. (Will it be called the iOSizzle?)
  • Caught my dog licking the Ouija board with his lipstick out, so pretty sure the house is haunted & he will kill me in my sleep tonight. #BOO (Coming to a theater near you, this Halloween.)
  • Thinking about removing your own #50ShadesofGrey…#——- is ready to help with lots of great #Rekden products! #Miami #salon #haircut (…really? Salon name removed, for obvious reasons)
  • I had the worst dream ever, I went to school with no eyebrows, and I had to draw them with pink markers. So then everyone knew I was high (Drugs are bad, kids.)
  • “Just some guy she met at the gym with Brad Pitt’s face and Jesus’ abs.” (Crucifixion is the new Pilates?)

A couple other things to check out. I have a post up on the Social Penguin’s Friday Freakout today as well. I think customer review sites are potentially ruining customer service. What do you think?

For those of you tired of the Instagram hype, McSweeney‘s has a piece just for you.

There will be no posts next week, as I’m traveling to visit family. I’ll be back soon, don’t you worry about it!

If you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

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Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

May 11th, 2012

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • I woke and my lick was in my living room my fuckin grandma lets anyone in (Grandma’s a free spirit, what can she say? And it’s your own fault for leaving your lick in the living room…..Wait. What’s a lick, anyway? Someone help me with this one.)
  • Fact #20- two nude self portraits of me currently hang on display in my parents’ living room. Yeah, that’s me West Bend. Deal with it. (Well that’s just awkward…I mean, I guess they’re really proud parents, right?)
  • me &my mama havin a Movie night in the living room on friday.. Just like the good old days -when i was an ONLY child. (Yikes! Sibling rivalry much?)
  • When you’re out to dinner with your dad and he sees someone he knows and leaves you to go talk to them. #stranded #potato (One of these hash tags is not like the other)
  • If u gt dne wrg by family dnt unexpect that frm sumbdy thats nt. #JustSayn (WHY? WHY do you hate the vowels?? What did they ever (I do to you?)
  • Every time some douche decides to wear a polo shirt Satan steals the souls of six babies. Please, save them and don’t wear that shit ever (I wonder how many he steals if you pop the collar? Does it double?)
  • food menu is legit and the boot well if you can walk away from it you a better man then me i drank what and got home how ??? hahah (In re: to a 3 liter beer boot. Obviously, written post consumption)
  • oooh nice! We have naked babies running around here tonight cuz of the heat lol. I’m just watching tv (Wait, shouldn’t you be watching the naked babies so they don’t, y’know, hurt themselves?)
  • Mom is half off on Mothers Day! Come join us at ********** (Business name withheld for obvious reasons. Who sells half off moms on Mother’s Day? Have some dignity people! Or some grammar. You had plenty of characters left in your tweet to fix that…)
  • I’ve never seen a Brazilian woman’s breasts, but I can only assume pineapples and other tropical fruits grow from them (It’s unfortunate how sorely let down he may be one day.)
  • Horse Massage Therapist Opens for Business (I have a feeling, in this economy, this might be a tough racket to keep afloat.)
BONUS: For those of you who, like me, were excited this week to hear President Obama’s (albeit politically motivated) endorsement of gay marriage, here is a funny Tumblr full of GIFs to make you giggle. Have a great weekend.

There you are folks! I will try to keep this going on a weekly basis. Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great ones worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com

Now go get your social on!