Found Tweet Friday

Found Tweet Friday!

June 29th (Waffle Iron Day! YES!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • I bought some Icy Hot for my sore shoulder, and now I smell … old. (Could be worse. Could be Ben Gay)
  • I need a @ShinerBeer redbird so bad. Best beer ever! (I strongly contest this statement. Strongly.)
  • I think Grover just got raped by an elephant in the bathtub. (Wait, what? Oh, my childhood)
  • Let’s eat Grandma: (Yay punctuation jokes!)
  • “No, Crocs are not running shoes,” I cried out to the wave of running Crocs lovers as they trampled any hope I had for humanity. (How? HOW do people run in Crocs? It just ain’t right.)
  • These double d’s are so happy Saucony makes a great running bra!!! (Yet another reason I’m happy to be a dude)
  • My aunt came over for dinner and she looks like a fucking hooker. Omg. (Just gotta love family bonding – or is that bondage?)
  • I got so much swag I could sell in a store swag for sale sushi (This started off making sense, and then went off the deep end…)
  • were over..sorry monica. just didn’t work out. okbye (And you thought breaking up over the phone was bad)
  • my friend smears vaseline all over her face every night. She says it’s cheap moisterizer. is that right? #beauty #makeup (Ew. Really. People do that. Doesn’t that, like, grease up your pillow? Or your everything?)
  • the guy who ate the other guy’s face off in Miami wasn’t on bath salts, they only found weed in his system.. good luck legalizing it now (It does build a pretty strong case, even if that’s not the cause of his face eating dementia.)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

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