November 2012 – Robzie.com

Found Tweet Friday

Found Tweet Friday!

November 30, 2012 (The last day of Movember, so show off that mustache with pride. Then shave it off in the morning!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

I got 99 problems and my cat is all of them (I feel for ya homie…)
I broke down and bought Pokemon Black and White 2. Never know when I will feel like being humiliated by an 8yo Japanese kid. (Oh and you will be, my friend. You will be.)
Obmama is my president till i die….. (Ahem…I have some bad news for you about 2016, buddy…also, that kind of dedication should come with proper spelling.)
I wish Tuesday was an actual person so I could bicycle kick him in the teeth (Tell us how you really feel.)
was just asked “Can I shave your hair off and make a pillow out of it?” #creep #silkyhairprobs (Ok, WHO says that?)
Aaron Rogers really need to shave….. He has a squirrel on his lip (But everyone likes squirrel
Post-workout meal – Omelette du fromage #dexterslab #gym (I. LOVED. This episode of Dexter’s Lab!)
My teeth feel naked! (Um…when do they ever feel clothed?)
if she’s wearing yoga pants I’m gonna look… How was I supposed to know you’re daughter is 12 (My guess is…if she looks like a child.)
I’ve yet to see a Sunggie from which I wanted said access. I’m no Gynecologist, but I do posess a PhTroll. (Does anyone follow this..?)
I’m nervous! I want long hair but I’m scared I’ll end up growing a mustache instead. (I think she’s confused about how hair works…)
Marisol does not want hairy gizzards (But really, who does? Amiright? Guys?)
SHE WAS THE ONE THAT PUSHED ME FIRST, SO I GRABBED HER BY THE HAIR AND KNEED HER IN THE FACE (Whoa…it got real.)
No Shave November has really taken its toll on my body, i keep sitting on my nuts (How…how the HELL are those related?)
I think I might shave my bread off ! (lolz typoz)
Have to get my finger shoes from tan (…finger…shoes..?)
Grrr all i want is to be noticed or followed by @justinbieber for christmas. That wud be one good christmas present! (Way to aim high…but Santa probably isn’t bringing you what you want this year.)
Coach was pissed when i was still overweight this practice “sigh” now i gotta lose 5lbs in one night 😦 (#WhyIneverWrestled)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

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Found Tweet Friday

Found Tweet Friday!

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

Yo fuck a lot of things. The A.M. Raisin bran. The word bran. Your haircut. The word finna. Whole grain. Dr Oz. Not being famous. Today. (This person may have been having a bad day. Perhaps.)
How are my nails stillll weak? A month without a manicure is pure torture (Is this why the rest of the world hates us? Yes indeed.)
I just saw a girl put an iPhone into her backpack without locking the screen and it made me want to pull out all my hair. (I completely understand this sentiment, actually.)
when I grow my beard , I’ll be gassssseddddd ! Probably catch an std too (Please. PLEASE explain the correlation here.)
i want to shave but i cant in case i don’t get selt red bull the morns morning (It started as English, and then went to crazy town.)
@SexFactsOfLife: You burn calories and lose weight every time you have sex. (So we’re apparently using the word ‘facts’ pretty loosely these days. Do YOU lose weight every time YOU have sex?)
A model just told me to wish him good luck, and I replied, “wish lucked!” Who the fuck am I? I’m such a dumb bitch. (Yeah, this reminds me of a great Brian Regan comedy segment. Hilarious. And it sucks when it happens.)
I hate it when I’m wearing my onesie and then I have to pee! 😠 #sooannoying (#firstworldproblems Also, adult onesies are so weird. I’m sorry.)
Text my sister asking what she want for Christmas. She betta not OD (Um…this is the most tragic tweet I’ve seen in a while! Yikes.)
you just ordered extra pubic hair and saliva in every thing you eat in every restaurant in town. Congrats! (What caused this, and how do I completely avoid it forever and always in my life??)
Fuck, it’s his birthday today. Well his new bitch can get him something. #Asshole (There’s a juicy story here…)
They have a Black Friday sale for buying followers OMG !!! #DieNow (Everybody wants a piece of the action…)
I think Glimmer is the porn star chick of She-Ra, she has pinkish hair and big boobs, lol. (I never looked at it that way…)
Feel like a lightening bolt just hit the tip of my penis (The hell..?)
So#SWEET #LOVE #MY #NAILS #NAIL #PORN #NEON #SPOILED #GREAT #BRAND #FINISHING #RESULTS #COMING #AFTER #THANK (#I #hate #when #people #hashtag #everything #on #instagram #Die #in #A #fire)
Pink says: try. Yoda says: Do or do not. There is no try. Take advice from a 3 foot tall humanoid OR a chick with pink hair and big biceps? (No wait…he has a point here. This is quite the dilemma.)
I’m disappointed a show titled “whisker wars” is not about a feline martial arts tournament #ClawlessVictory (Meowlena vs. Pawraka. FIGHT!)
watch your mouth! Cussing on Twitter like you ain’t got no home training. Putting mess into the universe -#Auntie (#TwitterFamilyValues)
Just saw a guy rev his engine and peel out of the parking lot… In a Subaru Outback. Your mom’s gonna be pissed, bro. (Twitter users just callin it like they see it.)
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God? (Well…ok. Fair point.)
definitely don’t remember asking for my teeth which I just found in my pocket… (What kind of night did THIS guy have?)
Yes dad. Please continue feeling up your girlfriend and the dinner table. (‘Tis the season for family togetherness…for better or worse.)

Now go get your social on!

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Found Tweet Friday

Found Tweet Friday!

November 16, 2012 (Queue up in the drive-thru lane, it’s National Fast Food Day! Tomorrow is National Baklava Day. I like that better.)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

i like to peel the bark off the trees as they shed in the fall and i watch all the bugs crawl up my arm and into my eyes. (*Someone* needs to lay off the drugs…)
Driving with the hood of my car down (I don’t think that word means what you think it means.)
My sister said you think if I do crack I’ll loose my stomach.. I don’t think you’ll loose your stomach you’ll probly loose your teeth haha (Well, it certainly wouldn’t help your spelling…)
Barbie was a vet, an astronaut, a teacher and a mom. I’m pretty sure Bratz dolls just get plowed in public bathrooms. (Glad I refused to buy those for my little sister, I suppose)
you really smell like dog buns (Compliment, or not? One could argue both, I suppose.)
I’m hungry af. I want some grandma (I REALLY hope there was more context to this conversation)
Gonna convince Gus to shave his pits. Why must guys have hairy pits? Who likes this? How is deodorant supposed to work w bush pits? Tell me. (You have to admit, she makes a convincing argument)
One time, my legs fell asleep while I was pooping, so I punched them til they woke up. (Everything? Does everything have to be tweeted about?)
I got my waxed mustache, my velocipede, my diving horse act, my animal cruelty conviction, a striped prison outfit, and rock breaking detail (It started out normal, then just got more and more confusing…)

Now go get your social on!

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Preparing for Small Business Saturday Shoppers

small business, local business, black friday, shopping, holiday, Small Business Saturday, Amex — ‘Tis the season…to shop local!

Whether you’re excited about it or begrudgingly accepting it, the holiday season is in full swing. Thanksgiving is next week and the bell is about to ring for full-on holiday shopping. Hopefully, Black Friday will bring you some business during the big-box store madness, but what I personally get really excited about is Small Business Saturday. It’s the small and local business-focused shopping day between Black Friday and Cyber Monday where your business gets a chance to shine and show customers why it still pays to shop local. The question is, are you prepared for it?

You want to get the word out, you want to make sure people are excited about taking time to support their local economy and find the unique products and services you provide, but where do you begin? If you haven’t previously started hyping this up, you’re at a disadvantage already, but it’s not hopeless.

The first thing you need to do is start creating excitement and get the word out. Small Business Saturday has only been around for a few years, so some of your customers may simply not know that it exists. Mention it to your customers in the store, put some messages out on your social sites and get people talking. ‘Like’ the Small Business Saturday Facebook page (link at the end of this post) and start mentioning it on Facebook (tag the page so people can check it out, too). Also, just because you’re a small business doesn’t mean you can’t take a page out of the big guys’ books. Start offering ‘sneak peaks’ this week of specials you’ll be having, or plans you’re anticipating to make the day fun and different than any other shopping day. Make sure you mention any adjusted hours so people know they can hit your store earlier or later than usual.
Feel out your customers. What are they most excited about this shopping season? What items are on their wish list that they should buy from you? What do they hate about holiday shopping that you can potentially make easier on them? These are the kinds of things you should be asking to get a temperature of your customers’ feelings at this hectic time of year, and try to provide the more personalized service and experience that makes shopping local so great.
Not a small retail business? That doesn’t mean you have to be left out. Cater your specials to weary holiday shoppers! If you’re a restaurant, have a Small Business Saturday shopper menu with items at a discounted price. A coffee shop: Provide a discounted cup of coffee or free flavor shot to fuel up those people who are shopping locally. Spa or salon? Offer specials to local shoppers to unwind after a busy and stressful shopping day. The possibilities are endless. Just be sure to remind them that participating in “local” is what got the them their special treatment. It’s about community here, folks.

Now, the review responder in me must add this last point. This is your opportunity to shine and remind people that you exist right down the street from them. Make sure you’re properly staffed, everyone has a smile and is excited to be part of the experience. Remember that many of these customers may have already dealt with ludicrous and potentially dangerous crowds elsewhere and may be on edge. You don’t want all of your hard work to unravel in the form of a slew of unhappy customer reviews.

For more information and tips, here are a couple more resources:

Small Business Saturday Facebook page
Small Business Trends article on preparing for Small Business Saturday
Forbes article with some tips and ideas
If you find the holiday season too overwhelming to handle your social media presence, the company I work for, Main Street Hub, can alleviate the stress of handling and monitoring your online presence. Check us out!

What kind of things are you planning to make this year the best for your small business? If you’re not a business owner, do you plan to participate in all three “shopping holidays”? (Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday) What are some crazy or unique specials, gimmicks or tactics that you’ve already seen?

Let me know below with your comments.

Thanks for reading. Now go get your social on!

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Found Tweet Friday

Found Tweet Friday!

November 9, 2012 (Cook Something Bold & Pungent Day! Also, Domino Day, celebrating the world record!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

If I drink alcohol, I am an alcoholic. But if I drink fanta than . . . I am fantastic! (Sounds like solid reasoning to me.)

i don’t even enjoy watching porn anymore #Confession I get so bored now… (A sad realization indeed…)

FISH TITS (I mean…I guess that says it all, right?)

This is what I get for taking a nap… I end up with a STD. (I don’t even know where to begin figuring out what this means.)

Many will tell you to go vote today. I, however, will use this opportunity to suggest you learn to ride a motorcycle. (Seize the day, as it were)

Seeing a lot of “I voted” stickers, not one “I didn’t vote” sticker. Market potential? (Take non-voter shaming to a highly visible new level)

Having lunch at a place that reeks of trophy wife perfume. (Eu du Golddigger. Coming to a Macy’s near you.)

I’m not talking shit on nor’easter, last time I talked about sandy, she gave my car the FINISH HIM (I think this means his car was decapitated, or had its spine pulled out. Definitely one of those two.)

If he wins, can I have the wine you’re not drinking? Not because I’ll be depressed. Just because I love wine. (Admitting it to yourself is the first step.)

This election has lasted more than 4 hours. I’m calling my doctor (Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff…)

Drunk Nate Silver standing outside my gyno office yelling out exact days of ovulation at random women. (This meme is one of my favorites in a very long time)
I got arrested …Development on DVD. (I like where your mind is buddy!)

I have five fingers on each hand for every mistake that I’ve made, plus my tongue is tied to tonsils and I need to shit and shave. (I…what? It seemed so insightful, and then just went horribly awry.)

Now go get your social on!

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Keeping Customers In a Short Attention Economy

Facebook, addiction, Internet Addiction Disorder, attention span, case study — “Attention span of a goldfish” just became a compliment…

Customer attention spans are becoming shorter and and more thinly spread as each new gadget, network and mobile device hits the market. You cannot simply hope that a customer will get over a bad experience and continue doing business with you because it’s too much hassle to search out other options. It’s so easy now for people to find your competitors’ presence online and seek them out, quickly forgetting that you ever existed. Let’s be honest, they can and will do it from their mobile device, while they’re still inside your business. If you’re especially unlucky, they’ll leave you with the parting gift of an awful online review. I’ve discussed tips on diffusing that kind of situation here.

The answer is moderately simple, but is never easy. There’s an age-old remedy to keeping your customers’ attention, maintaining their loyalty, and adding value to your product or service. Two words: Customer Service.

As social media ROI is becoming more evident (thus getting more SMBs to begrudgingly establish an online presence) it’s even MORE important to maintain focus on face-to-face customer service. As potential customers find you online and give your business a try, you’ll need to make sure their experiences keep them coming back. If the service isn’t there, all your digital efforts are for naught. So very often, in the reviews that I work on for clients, I’ve seen people say something to the effect of “the food/product/work wasn’t that great, but the service was fantastic. That’s the only reason I’d give this place another try.” I also often see, “The food/product/work was great, but I can find that somewhere else. It’s not worth putting up with the awful service I received.” Rarely do I see people state that they’d come back because the product is so good, even though they felt mistreated or received poor service. We intrinsically hold high value on how we’re treated at a business, even though the product is likely what brought us there in the first place.

If your business is providing fantastic customer service, this gives you a bartering tool with an unhappy customer, and may help you keep them from never returning. You can try to fix the product that they didn’t like. You can ensure them that it will be better next time, and they may take your word for it. It will likely be a lot tougher to convince someone that they’ll receive better service next time. Poor service really sticks with people.

A great product can bring people through your front door, but great service is what’s going to keep them there and create loyalty. It even adds an intangible value to your product. It’s important. If you can’t provide great service to your customers, hire someone to do it for you. It’s worth every bit you invest into it.

Do you have any customer service success stories, on either side of the experience? Have you experienced a missed opportunity by a business that led to you seek out their competitor(s)?

Let me know below with your comments.

Thanks for reading. Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday

Found Tweet Friday!

November 2, 2012 (National Deviled Egg Day! Delicious! Also, COOKIE MONSTER DAY!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

I hate it when I’m driving down the street in my car and I spit out the window and the window is shut (Ew. Just…y’know. Don’t spit out the window then.)
My Halloween Costume: Shark pajamas and a calendar around my neck. I’m going as Shark Week (Now that’s just clever)
Getting the urge to walk around with my iPad 2 on my shoulder like a 1980s boombox. #oldtech #bigisbeautiful (Post iPad mini announcement nostalgia)
lol I pooped during lunch.. #SentYouPics (No. This is NOT how you should use the technology)
My costume is so inappropriate that I’m debating making a sign that says slut on it and attaching it to my forehead #yolo (Well, at least you’re being honest with yourself…)
DON’T TAG ME IN IT JUST TELL THEM MY BUTT SURGERY WENT WRONG (There’s a reeeeaally interesting story here…)
I believe it has to be Vodka, Bourbon has food coloring and is not a clear beverage. (Hmm…what kind of bourbon are YOU drinking?)
I’m YOLOing so hard this week (I think there should have been a #YOLOweek along with this. We can celebrate it like we do SharkWeek)
I can’t wait for #RomneyRyan2012: where Rape is birth control, Russia is evil, and China is our drunk-walk home from the bar hate-fuck. #GOP (w….wow. That’s a bright future…)
Fuck rope courses. Hot pot is the best teambuilding exercise. (This guy’s on to something)
UGH WHY COULDN’T SATAN HAVE BEEN BORN ON A WEEKEND (Um…there seems to be a misunderstanding here…)
Halloween PSA for murderers: don’t poison candy corn because nobody eats candy corn because candy corn is wax (At least someone is looking out for those poor murderers who don’t want their time wasted.)
You can’t even spell, and my son will be an athlete while yours is an illiterate douche (I say DAMN. Burn.)
Im so sore, I think next time I need to drop it like its luke warm……………. (Literally LOL-ed in the office when I read this.)

Now go get your social on!

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