Found Tweet Friday

Found Tweet Friday!

I’m starting a new section of my blog that will contain a little lighter fare, and be a little less on the marketing messages side. I’m calling it Found Tweet Friday. Read on friends!

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:
– potatoes have skin. i have skin therefore im a potato. (Twitter logic at its finest)
– I just gave a dude a bro hug and my lips touched his earlobe and now I want to quit the earth
– I don’t know who invented the Root Beer Float, but I’d shake that fuckers hand! (I’m actually inclined to agree)
– Hoes wanna assassinate my character but I ain’t acting
– Just found a full can of snuff in my truck #winning (It’s the little things that make Twitter-goers happy)
– Dear men, Actually our dream isn’t finding the perfect guy, it’s being able to eat without getting fat. Sincerely, women. (All this time, we men were completely led astray!)
– Katy Perry: blue hair, Nicki Minaj: pink hair, Rihanna red hair Lady Gaga: green hair THE FUCKING POWER RANGERS ARE BACK! (Go Go Power Rangers!)
– Listening to The Black Keys makes me want to fist pump, bop my head, and proclaim, “Fuck yeah! I’m white!”
– I Would Jus love It If It Wass juss Mhe && Him Talkinn Butt Yhuu knoo Kant have thatt Kuss HOES Dhese dayss ! (If I could see past the grammar and spelling, I’d feel kinda sad for this woman)
– First world problems of the social media consultant (part 2): They ALWAYS come to mow the grass during live Webinars. (thanks @jaybaer for this one)
– it smells like a turd covered in burnt hair #sexpanther (I don’t know how those two are related, and I don’t want to know)
– i am a FEMALE. Fe=Iron. Male=Man. Therefore, i am Iron man. (She used the periodic table. Your argument is invalid)
– I’m learning how to make a girl cum off a massage at my barber. Haha.
– A car full of hipsters just pulled up beside me in the forks parking lot. Its a Volvo. I feel like they’re our families’ soul mates.
– passed out face down butt naked w/the door wide open last night, bet my bro enjoyed that (Where? WHERE was his bro’s @ reply to this??)

There you are folks! I will try to keep this going on a weekly basis. Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great ones worth pointing out, send them to me at

Now go get your social on!

Author: robzie

I am a marketing professional with a specific interest in creating connections through social media and digital marketing. Confessed coffee addict, social media nerd, and office supplies junkie. Feel free to contact me and start up a conversation!

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