Twitter Spammers Are Stealing Your Tweets

Twitter, followers, tweets, spam, fake, accounts
Never tastes as good as you hope it will…

With each technology that advances our culture, there is the inevitable down side. With the telephone came bad telemarketing and phone scams, with the television came crappy infomercials (and in my opinion, reality TV), and with the internet came spam. Each of these has advanced in their own way, and the typical scheme has been to sell you something. Twitter spam is becoming it’s own beast and seems to serve multiple functions. Some are pretty obvious, like the:

“Hey @robzie81, how would you like 1,000 followers in 5 minutes? Click here —> http://bit.ly/clickforgarbage”

Or one of my recent favorites:

“@robzie81 Someone is spreading vicious rumors about you http://bit.ly/clickitstupid”

These ones get the delete pretty quickly, but there are some that I’ve seen becoming pervasive in the Twittersphere that are a different breed. They’re Twitter accounts, obviously made by people who’s first language is not English, with stock images as their avatar and occasionally very poorly written bios. These accounts typically have a handful of followers, likely from their own circle, pretty legit sounding names, and the content of the tweets is typically flush with keywords. Some are copy/pasted from other users’ tweets, with any @ references removed and thus making them make no sense, like:

“Can’t wait for my training session with #itsbeentoolong”

Something seems out of place there, doesn’t it? I also come across some other copy/pasted versions that seem legit at first, until you see them show up 30 times in a search, word for word. Examples:

“Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless legs. If you want impress us, please shave a gorilla.”
“I’m so hungry! “Didn’t you just eat?” “Yeah… So?””
“My poor school 😦 I have lost everything in my classroom. Floods up to my waist took over everything. God help us. :(”
“I wasn’t that drunk ‘Dude, you were in my closet yelling “where the heck is narnia”‘

There are some tweets that are poorly written, but are obviously targeted to show up in business searches. Keywords for everything from spas and salons, gyms and restaurants are planted in tweets like the below:

“It’s my lucky day..I buy new bikini with 50% off :)”
“hello friends…,is there anyone ever try acai berry, i heard it’s good for diet and health”
“I am thinking about getting a 1971 Ford Pinto for a new car”
“Oh no, my dog pee on my pillow again…twice this week grrr…”
“On early call out for a military exercise, one of my colleagues used this excuse: I had to round up a group of Giraffes on the motorway (…”

Twitter, tweet, business, keywords, spam
Hm. Do we see a trend developing in this search stream?

My guess is that these accounts directly relate to the first example I mentioned: Paid Twitter followers. This then leads me to my final point, and please excuse my use of all caps, but: NEVER PAY FOR TWITTER FOLLOWERS. The likelihood that your account will be followed by the garbage accounts above is pretty high, and they will do nothing for you. Organically building your Twitter presence will get you real followers (and the occasional bot that will follow you, but what can you do?) and will create a community of conversation that will actually be useful to you. Take the time to put out interesting, relevant content, follow other people and businesses that you find interesting and they will often return the favor if they find your content worthwhile.

What other kind of Twitter spam have you seen, besides the notorious bikini-clad porn accounts? Any other creative things you’ve seen? Have any of you bought into the ‘pay for followers’ scheme already, and if so, what kind of followers did you see?

Let me know below with your comments. Also, be sure to check out some of the best/worst REAL Twitter users have to offer by checking out my weekly post, Found Tweet Friday.

Thanks for reading. Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

October 25th, 2012 (For all you horror movie fans, today is Chucky, the Notorious Killer Doll Day, also World Pasta Day. Yum!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • exercise…ex…er…cise…..ex…ar…..size……eggs…are…sides….for bacon. bacon. (Yeah, that thought process sounds about right…)
  • Any time you’re feeling pretty accomplished, remember that Stevie Wonder is blind and you can’t play piano. (well, I was feeling awesome.)
  • He shaved his eyebrows and wears a fucking mermaid tail while he raps on a pogo stick! He’s so interesting! (I mean, I think I’d at least give that a look. Where’s the YouTube video for this guy??)
  • Totally just sneezed into my hair and got a booger stuck in it in front of a customer. #fail (Ew. And…just ew.)
  • October, go home, you are drunk. Stop being summer, drunk October. (I’d just like to add #Texas to the end of this.)
  • Honey Boo Boo’s mother has a boyfriend and you’re single. Just let that sink in for a moment… (Ouch…)
  • That time dad lied to mom about pulling out and mom lied to dad about taking the pill and BAM! Awesomest person ever was born. (;  (That’s…uh…quite a way to celebrate your conception, but good for you!)
  • a serious relationship will get you pregnant before it gets you a ring ladies . sad reality right ? (Wow, what reality are you living in buddy? I’ll tell everyone I know to steer clear.)
  • if i told you that a flower bloomed in a dark room would you trust it (I…just don’t know. This is a seriously deep, contemplative question.)
  • Just for the record, I never wanted this to happen. My core vowels said stick through it. (I don’t think A,E,I,O,U and sometimes Y were what were telling you to press on my friend.)
  • Right now thousands of white women in San Francisco are doing a blind zombie march into the sun’s asshole. (WHAT?)
  • Still not 100% sure that Jeepers Creepers monster is not in my back yard and I saw that movie like 10 years ago. (Some things just stick with us. We can’t pick and choose.)
  • at the end of the game the king and the pawn go in the same box . (I actually like this. It probably was said by someone famous, which means credit should be given.)
  • That awkward moment when it’s a cold day & the toilet seat at the stadium is warm… (This made me uncomfortable for this person…)
  • Feeling like the Little Engine that Could…with a whole lot of expletives. (That’s like me at the gym!)
  • Just saw a man literally cut in half from an accident and was still alive…the most disturbing thing I’ve ever seen! (And you think YOU’RE having a bad day…)
  • Lololol Michael thinks he deserves everything. Dude, you have Fs and a felony. You deserve a bed and food. Fuck you. (#ToughTwitterLove)
  • Our generation doesn’t ring the doorbell. We text or call to say we’re outside (This couldn’t be more true…)
  • The best time to propose at a restaurant is right after you order but before you pull up to the window. (Somewhere in the middle of the tweet, we took a wrong turn.)
  • Damn lunch break is done and I’m still teaching the brown whale how to swim (I…don’t believe I’ve heard that one before.)
  • Does the purple cat bark at the right place on the hairy mole when the rooster wakes up? (Who…what….I….my brain just fell out.)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

September 28, 2012 (It’s. Drink. Beer. Day! You have a holiday’s permission to have a great weekend.)

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • Dear macho man going for a run in the rain, when you come to the front desk, turn off your iPod. I hear your TSwift plain as day. (busted dude…)
  • I’m REALLY high, & my mom came back from the dentist & her mouth was numb so she talked sloppy. My laugh x10 DEAR LORD. Cx
  • The one day I come home for lunch..and the dog throws up, and then eats it back up. I don’t want to live here anymore. #timetomoveout (I don’t think that’s an overreaction at all…)
  • They designed the iPhone 5 to fit perfectly in your pocket. Right where your money used to be. (Oooh burrrrn.)
  • bummed to realize my ipod is dead as i arrive at the gym. BUT universe threw me a bone: burly man doing 30 mins of dead lifts. in HOT PANTS. (Hooray for small victories?)
  • Please go see #Lawless so they continue to make movies like it. Also, take birth control or you will be pregnant w/ Tom Hardy’s babies after (Maybe they should sell protection at the door)
  • A hairy window broke a silly pineapple with a blue fridge and everyday a grape licks a friendly cow. (You figure it out…)
  • She had wrinkles in her pleated skirt.. that’s IRONic (wah wah waaaaaah)
  • Mom Trying to have the straight talk with me in the car ride… To the Mall. TO GO SHOPPING (Kind of seems to defeat the purpose, either way)
  • @xxxxxxxx: “I’m going to a wedding Saturday. Do I need a haircut?” @xxxxxxxxx: “Did you just ask if you needed a handpuppet? Yes!” (Who doesn’t need a handpuppet at a wedding? Obviously.)
  • Headed to an AYCE Brazilian steakhouse tonight. Couldn’t be more excited. Bring on the #brotein! (Please, no one brand the term Brotein. Please.)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

September 14, 2012 (Also, National Creme-filled Donut Day. Go ahead. It’s official.)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • Sorry, but your baby’s “unique” name sounds like a treatment for Erectile Disfunction. (Well that’s an unfortunate choice)
  • What my night consists of babysitting Chinese food and tumblr.. (Punctuation is important, folks)
  • If this week-long dizziness and headache thing kills me, I just want you all to know… …I only like about six of you guys. (#deathbedtruths)
  • You know that Lucas changed the ending for this re-release. Turns out Luke is actually Indy’s father. (OH the plot twists!!)
  • This is my fav part ” the cat sat unplug the ringer for the father and plug the phone and so the Anaconda Didn’t work” (Aaaand my brain just fell off)
  • I don’t get jealous if I see my ex with someone else. Because my parents always taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate. (oooh, burn.)
  • there were 4 guys in the back seat of my car and they all had boners hahaha (…cue porn music?)
  • Chuckin up the deuces to my long huuuurrrr #haircut (I understand the words on Twitter less and less with each passing day)
  • Hi fella. Late reply. I don’t tweeter much because of violent sneezing that hemorrhages blood from my swimsuit area when I type. (I just…don’t even know where to begin)
  • It smells like used birth control pills in this bathroom (I’m not even…what?)
There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

September 7, 2012 (Salami Day and National Beer Lover’s Day – Prost!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • “Gingeritus” isn’t a disease. I hope you meant “Gingivitus” in which you should visit a dentist . (Good advice, for spelling and for dental hygiene…)
  • Time to poop and brush my teeth. why isn’t there a tooth brush emoji? (That’s the least of my questions…)
  • Have a legit idea of how to make my dream of Steven’s Hard Beer. How do you turn inventions into reality? #GetHardBeforeYouGoHard (Quite a slogan, Steve…)
  • Its ugly out anyways….ima jus go 2 da grocery store cop hella zoom zooms & wam wams & make it a cinema weekend (It’s he’s speaking a foreign language…)
  • Your face gave my cat cancer… (Wow, that cuts deep. Real deep.)
  • Lmao I forgot how acclimated I am to the shitty texas weather until I’m with someone not used to sweltering in satan’s ballsac (A rather accurate description of the weather at times here in Texas)
  • How come I have to pick up after my dog when I’m hiking, but I have to hike around horse poo? #itsenormous (You can’t argue that he has a valid point…)
  • I need to clean up my diet do badly because I want healthy daily poop #mymotivation (I mean, you have to find motivation somewhere. Why is there so much about poop this week?)
  • @snooki it’s not really a fam since ur not married. (So…that’s your definition of family, huh?)
  • my boyfriend named his new car after a Downton Abbey character so don’t you dare say he’s not a renaissance man. (Gents, guess that makes you a keeper.)
  • My brother was in a horrible car accident on his way to pick up lunch today. It’s really bad guys, I need your prayers. I’m SOOO hungry! (Twitter A.D.D. much?)
  • Imma need to learn Spanish. My skin colour and the size of my behind demand it in these parts. #merica
  • Just saw a movie trailer where Clint Eastwood kicks over a coffee table…maybe he thought it was Joe Biden. (Yeah, sorry Republicans, this made me literally laugh out loud. Like in the real sense, not the “lol” sense.)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

August 31st, 2012 (I hear it’s “Love Litigating Lawyers Day” So, um, hug a lawyer, I guess. Or just celebrate Labor Day for four days.)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • Can’t decide what to get for my first car. BMW, Porshe, Mercedes Benz, or Range Rover? #whitekidproblems (Wow. For that, I hope you get NO car. Tool.)
  • DID YOU GET A HAIRCUT? No, I just dyed the tips of my hair invisible. (Oh! You jus’ so clever!)
  • A bikini waxing boutique just asked me to connect on LinkedIn. #seriously #whensocialmediagoeswrong
  • My dog just ate a frog. Then threw the frog up. (I guess it could be worse. You could be the frog.)
  • My gf rubs my stomach while I Pooh bear (does….does this mean what I think it means…?)
  • I’ve been waiting for an oil change/repairs for 3 hours and someone just told me the mechanic quit his job in the middle of working on it? (Think YOU’RE having a bad day?)
  • A world first: Bionic eye transplant lets blind woman see http://t.co/QQjlKUlO (You GUYS, Terminators are coming. But also, this is amazing.)
  • Women’s Wrestling matches drag like a wedding dress. I’m w the Taliban when it comes to this stuff. (Well, I mean, you know how well the Taliban is liked in the U.S. right? Maybe you don’t want to announce that.)
  • So the moral of the story is yolo but if you do drugs too much you’ll olo w/fucked up teeth & a burnt off face & maybe no legs or friends (Way to be a YOLO downer…)
  • Driving with the hood of my car down (I don’t think that word means what you think it means…)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

August 24, 2012 (Good: National Waffle Day! Bad: Pluto Demoted from a Planet Day)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • Saw a guy with a Walkman. Wondering if my Audi’s flux capacitor kicked in when I hit 88 MPH. (Nerdy, yet douchey at the same time)
  • A Maserati just backed into a BMW (@ Starbucks) (Expensive day for someone)
  • Moral of the story if you eating the nanny you basically eating yogurt (Um, what the hell was the story??)
  • Forgot to shave my Pitts, now I have ll cool berries (Gross, yet funny)
  • FACT : 70% of women use a smile to hide emotional pain.” (You can’t state it as a fact if it is not, in actuality, a fact. Show me your statistics…)
  • I’d have to call what my kids are doing right now a kind of cross between wilding and Pokemon LARP… #feral
  • Damn. Someone in this office smells like a wet dog slathered with mayonaise. (Ew…)
  • Well, The Mildred Pierce Miniseries can certainly be filed under “birth control” (Hallelujah sister)
  • The frog has been found. Funeral is set for this evening. Dog is innocent. Daughter is sad. #BadDay #FirstWorldProblems
  • What is everyone’s Obsession with instagraming their nails? Maybe I should start posting my freshly trimmed pubies every time (I mean…it’s your Instagram. Do what you want…)
  • tip of the day: *never* do an image search for “that’s big” without turning SafeSearch ON! oh my. (File that one under ‘Obvious’)
  • I’ve hit the late summer allergies. Mid afternoon my brain goes all Blue Screen of Death. (And we all know that means you have to shut down and reboot, right?)
  • take a breath & just think about how you’re not engaged to chad kroeger, and that should make you feel better
  • Why aren’t I engaged to Avril Lavigne.. I’m much more attractive than Chad and my hair doesn’t resemble Ramen Noodles
  • Niall its not ok to wear your hair like that u know it makes me peel my shins off (I mean, I know some of these One Directioners are a little off, but what the hell??)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

August 3rd, 2012 (Watermelon day! Picnic anyone?)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • I can’t tell if this dude is running for exercise or if he’s being chased by invisible werewolves (It really is hard to tell. Some people run very frantically for no reason.)
  • I accidentally used Right Guard. Now I smell like a middle school gym locker in 1980.
  • Willa kissed neil then asked “did that taste like dog lips!?” hahahahaha things you don’t want to hear from your 4 yr old. (Sometimes the honesty of a child is not the best thing.)
  • CAT WOMAN, HAVE MY BABIES (Yeah. Can’t disagree with that one.)
  • Everywear I go bittchs always know charlie scene has a wenine that he loves to show, BITTCH, wake up grab beer,grab rear,shave beerd, H.U. (It…it just hurts me so.)
  • grammy: “she tried to get me to get a brazilian wax, it was kinda kinky.” me: “yeah, hairless vaginas…kinky.” grammy: “i know right.” (#generationgap)
  • Maybe you should eat some of that makeup so it can make you pretty on the inside too or kill you… (Twitter just got real vicious. Yikes.)
  • i fucking hate my father i can’t wait to live out of the house where i can fap in peace. (there’s a REALLY awkward story here…)
  • he looked great til his eyebrows punched me in the tit (Wait…what? How? I just don’t even…)
  • On the bright side, Snoop Dogg / Lion just gave Apple a brand new cat to work with for their next OS. (Will it be called the iOSizzle?)
  • Caught my dog licking the Ouija board with his lipstick out, so pretty sure the house is haunted & he will kill me in my sleep tonight. #BOO (Coming to a theater near you, this Halloween.)
  • Thinking about removing your own #50ShadesofGrey…#——- is ready to help with lots of great #Rekden products! #Miami #salon #haircut (…really? Salon name removed, for obvious reasons)
  • I had the worst dream ever, I went to school with no eyebrows, and I had to draw them with pink markers. So then everyone knew I was high (Drugs are bad, kids.)
  • “Just some guy she met at the gym with Brad Pitt’s face and Jesus’ abs.” (Crucifixion is the new Pilates?)

A couple other things to check out. I have a post up on the Social Penguin’s Friday Freakout today as well. I think customer review sites are potentially ruining customer service. What do you think?

For those of you tired of the Instagram hype, McSweeney‘s has a piece just for you.

There will be no posts next week, as I’m traveling to visit family. I’ll be back soon, don’t you worry about it!

If you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

June 20, 2012 (Happy Ramadan to those who celebrate it, Happy Lollipop Day to those who don’t)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • Wtf thought I saw a cricket going across my living room but it ended up being a frog
  • Today I bought some swordfish in Napa and on the way home I saw a shirtless, hairless, extremely tan dwarf powerwashing a sidewalk. The end. (Thus ends the epic tale of this guy’s day.)
  • Let’s have sex? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no. (Seems the odds are stacked…)
  • SOME LADY JUST RAN OVER THE CRICKET I WAS GOING TO KEEP AS MY DORM PET WITH HER CART AND KILLED HIM. THIS IS THE WORST SHOPPING TRIP EVER. (crickets are a big deal in Texas…)
  • Yes, what you have heard is true on FB. I’m not going to Lisa’s wedding because I have tickets at the Imax to Dark Knight Rises. (It’s called priorities, and this guy has them right.)
  • a tumblr called ‘girls doing things’ featuring photos of fully clothed girls doing normal things like walking a dog or crossing the street (And there’s a market for that)
  • I miss your food, @ChickfilA Please grow up soon. (I typically try not to take political sides on this blog, but yes.)
  • I only blow my nose in the finest of artisan facial tissues made from woven butterfly wings and silkworm semen. (Disturbing on more than one level)
  • Can anyone tell me how to remove duct tape from the eyes without pulling off the eyebrows? Asking for a friend. (there’s a bigger story here, I’m sure of it…)
  • So this girl got in a car accident and was making gifs while in the ambulance. Umm?? Does That make sense? No. It doesn’t. (question is…was making GIFs what caused her to BE in the accident?)
  • that’s cause you have so much damn clothes!! You have enough clothes to cover up all the poverty in the world haha (America, ladies and gentlemen…)
  • Don’t put a “We are the 99%” sticker on your car. That makes you sound poor (This is also America. I’m so proud 😦 )
  • I gained like 200 lbs. while traveling this month. I think my fat is mating with my other fat and making fat babies under my skin.

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

July 13 (Friday the 13th *duh duh duuuuuuuuh*) But also, National French Fries day!

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • At the dermatologist and this chick on the reception tv says, “I have an overgrowth of anal hair…” (Wow. It’s almost like over-sharing in a public space…isn’t it?)
  • shaking like a dog shitting razorblades (what? That’s the worst thing I’ve heard in a long time! Who even thinks of that as an analogy??)
  • Seriously though, I have no idea why Turkey Creek is currently infested with exercise sketchers wearing, perky butted, tyrannosaurus walkers (This, actually, provides a pretty accurate visual)
  • Has anyone seen the the new HBO Show Girls? They should change the name to Entitled Occupy Hipster Yeast Infection Hour. #stupid #JITW (So…are you a fan? It’s not quite clear.)
  • I pity the speculum that has to dare your cavern and pray your ob-gyn has an understanding spouse (I really want to know the conversation that sparked this statement. Vagina Dentata?)
  • Alex thinks I burped his eyebrows off.. xD (I used to date a girl who nearly could)
  • If your networks O2 I feel bad for you..you’ve got 99 contacts and you can’t txt one! (During an outage, you might as well rap about it. It’s really the best way to cope.)
  • If you want to find me at Comic Con this week, look for the overweight guy with glasses. (Needle in a hay stack)
  • I just saw an ad for car insurance where a rep dressed like a scientist opened two crates full of puppies. I’m sold. Where do I sign? (Who said advertising is dead?)
  • Omg. How did you know “cool beans” is a phrase that makes my skin crawl? LITERALLY (Although I agree with the cool beans being a relatively gross phrase, I am more off-put by the improper usage of literally. *Sigh*)

Two more things:

There exists a website that does kind of what this blog post does, but specializes in tweets from privileged kids complaining about their maids. It may make you hate people, just a bit.

On a more serious note: How would you like to be responsible for helping a father be able to cheer his son on at the 2012 Summer Olympics in London? That’s exactly what we’re trying to do. My friend Jeff is trying to get to the Olympics to cheer on his swimmer son Tyler McGill. Donate or share. Anything is appreciated to help this great cause.

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

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