Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

November 16, 2012 (Queue up in the drive-thru lane, it’s National Fast Food Day! Tomorrow is National Baklava Day. I like that better.)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • i like to peel the bark off the trees as they shed in the fall and i watch all the bugs crawl up my arm and into my eyes. (*Someone* needs to lay off the drugs…)
  • Driving with the hood of my car down (I don’t think that word means what you think it means.)
  • My sister said you think if I do crack I’ll loose my stomach.. I don’t think you’ll loose your stomach you’ll probly loose your teeth haha (Well, it certainly wouldn’t help your spelling…)
  • Barbie was a vet, an astronaut, a teacher and a mom. I’m pretty sure Bratz dolls just get plowed in public bathrooms. (Glad I refused to buy those for my little sister, I suppose)
  • you really smell like dog buns (Compliment, or not? One could argue both, I suppose.)
  • I’m hungry af. I want some grandma (I REALLY hope there was more context to this conversation)
  • Gonna convince Gus to shave his pits. Why must guys have hairy pits? Who likes this? How is deodorant supposed to work w bush pits? Tell me. (You have to admit, she makes a convincing argument)
  • One time, my legs fell asleep while I was pooping, so I punched them til they woke up. (Everything? Does everything have to be tweeted about?)
  • I got my waxed mustache, my velocipede, my diving horse act, my animal cruelty conviction, a striped prison outfit, and rock breaking detail (It started out normal, then just got more and more confusing…)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Preparing for Small Business Saturday Shoppers

small business, local business, black friday, shopping, holiday, Small Business Saturday, Amex
‘Tis the season…to shop local!

Whether you’re excited about it or begrudgingly accepting it, the holiday season is in full swing. Thanksgiving is next week and the bell is about to ring for full-on holiday shopping. Hopefully, Black Friday will bring you some business during the big-box store madness, but what I personally get really excited about is Small Business Saturday. It’s the small and local business-focused shopping day between Black Friday and Cyber Monday where your business gets a chance to shine and show customers why it still pays to shop local. The question is, are you prepared for it?

You want to get the word out, you want to make sure people are excited about taking time to support their local economy and find the unique products and services you provide, but where do you begin? If you haven’t previously started hyping this up, you’re at a disadvantage already, but it’s not hopeless.

  1. The first thing you need to do is start creating excitement and get the word out. Small Business Saturday has only been around for a few years, so some of your customers may simply not know that it exists. Mention it to your customers in the store, put some messages out on your social sites and get people talking. ‘Like’ the Small Business Saturday Facebook page (link at the end of this post) and start mentioning it on Facebook (tag the page so people can check it out, too). Also, just because you’re a small business doesn’t mean you can’t take a page out of the big guys’ books. Start offering ‘sneak peaks’ this week of specials you’ll be having, or plans you’re anticipating to make the day fun and different than any other shopping day. Make sure you mention any adjusted hours so people know they can hit your store earlier or later than usual.
  2. Feel out your customers. What are they most excited about this shopping season? What items are on their wish list that they should buy from you? What do they hate about holiday shopping that you can potentially make easier on them? These are the kinds of things you should be asking to get a temperature of your customers’ feelings at this hectic time of year, and try to provide the more personalized service and experience that makes shopping local so great.
  3. Not a small retail business? That doesn’t mean you have to be left out. Cater your specials to weary holiday shoppers! If you’re a restaurant, have a Small Business Saturday shopper menu with items at a discounted price. A coffee shop: Provide a discounted cup of coffee or free flavor shot to fuel up those people who are shopping locally. Spa or salon? Offer specials to local shoppers to unwind after a busy and stressful shopping day. The possibilities are endless. Just be sure to remind them that participating in “local” is what got the them their special treatment. It’s about community here, folks.

Now, the review responder in me must add this last point. This is your opportunity to shine and remind people that you exist right down the street from them. Make sure you’re properly staffed, everyone has a smile and is excited to be part of the experience. Remember that many of these customers may have already dealt with ludicrous and potentially dangerous crowds elsewhere and may be on edge. You don’t want all of your hard work to unravel in the form of a slew of unhappy customer reviews.

For more information and tips, here are a couple more resources:

  • Small Business Saturday Facebook page
  • Small Business Trends article on preparing for Small Business Saturday
  • Forbes article with some tips and ideas
  • If you find the holiday season too overwhelming to handle your social media presence, the company I work for, Main Street Hub, can alleviate the stress of handling and monitoring your online presence. Check us out!

What kind of things are you planning to make this year the best for your small business? If you’re not a business owner, do you plan to participate in all three “shopping holidays”? (Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday) What are some crazy or unique specials, gimmicks or tactics that you’ve already seen?

Let me know below with your comments.

Thanks for reading. Now go get your social on!

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Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

November 9, 2012 (Cook Something Bold & Pungent Day! Also, Domino Day, celebrating the world record!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  •  If I drink alcohol, I am an alcoholic. But if I drink fanta than . . . I am fantastic! (Sounds like solid reasoning to me.)
  • i don’t even enjoy watching porn anymore #Confession I get so bored now… (A sad realization indeed…)
  • FISH TITS (I mean…I guess that says it all, right?)
  • This is what I get for taking a nap… I end up with a STD. (I don’t even know where to begin figuring out what this means.)
  • Many will tell you to go vote today. I, however, will use this opportunity to suggest you learn to ride a motorcycle. (Seize the day, as it were)
  • Seeing a lot of “I voted” stickers, not one “I didn’t vote” sticker. Market potential? (Take non-voter shaming to a highly visible new level)
  • Having lunch at a place that reeks of trophy wife perfume. (Eu du Golddigger. Coming to a Macy’s near you.)
  • I’m not talking shit on nor’easter, last time I talked about sandy, she gave my car the FINISH HIM (I think this means his car was decapitated, or had its spine pulled out. Definitely one of those two.)
  • If he wins, can I have the wine you’re not drinking? Not because I’ll be depressed. Just because I love wine. (Admitting it to yourself is the first step.)
  • This election has lasted more than 4 hours. I’m calling my doctor (Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff…)
  • Drunk Nate Silver standing outside my gyno office yelling out exact days of ovulation at random women. (This meme is one of my favorites in a very long time)
  • I got arrested …Development on DVD. (I like where your mind is buddy!)
  • I have five fingers on each hand for every mistake that I’ve made, plus my tongue is tied to tonsils and I need to shit and shave. (I…what? It seemed so insightful, and then just went horribly awry.)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Keeping Customers In a Short Attention Economy

Facebook, addiction, Internet Addiction Disorder, attention span, case study
“Attention span of a goldfish” just became a compliment…

Customer attention spans are becoming shorter and and more thinly spread as each new gadget, network and mobile device hits the market. You cannot simply hope that a customer will get over a bad experience and continue doing business with you because it’s too much hassle to search out other options. It’s so easy now for people to find your competitors’ presence online and seek them out, quickly forgetting that you ever existed. Let’s be honest, they can and will do it from their mobile device, while they’re still inside your business. If you’re especially unlucky, they’ll leave you with the parting gift of an awful online review. I’ve discussed tips on diffusing that kind of situation here.

The answer is moderately simple, but is never easy. There’s an age-old remedy to keeping your customers’ attention, maintaining their loyalty, and adding value to your product or service. Two words: Customer Service.

As social media ROI is becoming more evident (thus getting more SMBs to begrudgingly establish an online presence) it’s even MORE important to maintain focus on face-to-face customer service. As potential customers find you online and give your business a try, you’ll need to make sure their experiences keep them coming back. If the service isn’t there, all your digital efforts are for naught. So very often, in the reviews that I work on for clients, I’ve seen people say something to the effect of “the food/product/work wasn’t that great, but the service was fantastic. That’s the only reason I’d give this place another try.” I also often see, “The food/product/work was great, but I can find that somewhere else. It’s not worth putting up with the awful service I received.” Rarely do I see people state that they’d come back because the product is so good, even though they felt mistreated or received poor service. We intrinsically hold high value on how we’re treated at a business, even though the product is likely what brought us there in the first place.

If your business is providing fantastic customer service, this gives you a bartering tool with an unhappy customer, and may help you keep them from never returning. You can try to fix the product that they didn’t like. You can ensure them that it will be better next time, and they may take your word for it. It will likely be a lot tougher to convince someone that they’ll receive better service next time. Poor service really sticks with people.

A great product can bring people through your front door, but great service is what’s going to keep them there and create loyalty. It even adds an intangible value to your product. It’s important. If you can’t provide great service to your customers, hire someone to do it for you. It’s worth every bit you invest into it.

Do you have any customer service success stories, on either side of the experience? Have you experienced a missed opportunity by a business that led to you seek out their competitor(s)?

Let me know below with your comments.

Thanks for reading. Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

November 2, 2012 (National Deviled Egg Day! Delicious! Also, COOKIE MONSTER DAY!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • I hate it when I’m driving down the street in my car and I spit out the window and the window is shut (Ew. Just…y’know. Don’t spit out the window then.)
  • My Halloween Costume: Shark pajamas and a calendar around my neck. I’m going as Shark Week (Now that’s just clever)
  • Getting the urge to walk around with my iPad 2 on my shoulder like a 1980s boombox. #oldtech #bigisbeautiful (Post iPad mini announcement nostalgia)
  • lol I pooped during lunch.. #SentYouPics (No. This is NOT how you should use the technology)
  • My costume is so inappropriate that I’m debating making a sign that says slut on it and attaching it to my forehead #yolo (Well, at least you’re being honest with yourself…)
  • DON’T TAG ME IN IT JUST TELL THEM MY BUTT SURGERY WENT WRONG (There’s a reeeeaally interesting story here…)
  • I believe it has to be Vodka, Bourbon has food coloring and is not a clear beverage. (Hmm…what kind of bourbon are YOU drinking?)
  • I’m YOLOing so hard this week (I think there should have been a #YOLOweek along with this. We can celebrate it like we do SharkWeek)
  • I can’t wait for #RomneyRyan2012: where Rape is birth control, Russia is evil, and China is our drunk-walk home from the bar hate-fuck. #GOP (w….wow. That’s a bright future…)
  • Fuck rope courses. Hot pot is the best teambuilding exercise. (This guy’s on to something)
  • UGH WHY COULDN’T SATAN HAVE BEEN BORN ON A WEEKEND (Um…there seems to be a misunderstanding here…)
  • Halloween PSA for murderers: don’t poison candy corn because nobody eats candy corn because candy corn is wax (At least someone is looking out for those poor murderers who don’t want their time wasted.)
  • You can’t even spell, and my son will be an athlete while yours is an illiterate douche (I say DAMN. Burn.)
  • Im so sore, I think next time I need to drop it like its luke warm……………. (Literally LOL-ed in the office when I read this.)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Twitter Spammers Are Stealing Your Tweets

Twitter, followers, tweets, spam, fake, accounts
Never tastes as good as you hope it will…

With each technology that advances our culture, there is the inevitable down side. With the telephone came bad telemarketing and phone scams, with the television came crappy infomercials (and in my opinion, reality TV), and with the internet came spam. Each of these has advanced in their own way, and the typical scheme has been to sell you something. Twitter spam is becoming it’s own beast and seems to serve multiple functions. Some are pretty obvious, like the:

“Hey @robzie81, how would you like 1,000 followers in 5 minutes? Click here —> http://bit.ly/clickforgarbage”

Or one of my recent favorites:

“@robzie81 Someone is spreading vicious rumors about you http://bit.ly/clickitstupid”

These ones get the delete pretty quickly, but there are some that I’ve seen becoming pervasive in the Twittersphere that are a different breed. They’re Twitter accounts, obviously made by people who’s first language is not English, with stock images as their avatar and occasionally very poorly written bios. These accounts typically have a handful of followers, likely from their own circle, pretty legit sounding names, and the content of the tweets is typically flush with keywords. Some are copy/pasted from other users’ tweets, with any @ references removed and thus making them make no sense, like:

“Can’t wait for my training session with #itsbeentoolong”

Something seems out of place there, doesn’t it? I also come across some other copy/pasted versions that seem legit at first, until you see them show up 30 times in a search, word for word. Examples:

“Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless legs. If you want impress us, please shave a gorilla.”
“I’m so hungry! “Didn’t you just eat?” “Yeah… So?””
“My poor school 😦 I have lost everything in my classroom. Floods up to my waist took over everything. God help us. :(”
“I wasn’t that drunk ‘Dude, you were in my closet yelling “where the heck is narnia”‘

There are some tweets that are poorly written, but are obviously targeted to show up in business searches. Keywords for everything from spas and salons, gyms and restaurants are planted in tweets like the below:

“It’s my lucky day..I buy new bikini with 50% off :)”
“hello friends…,is there anyone ever try acai berry, i heard it’s good for diet and health”
“I am thinking about getting a 1971 Ford Pinto for a new car”
“Oh no, my dog pee on my pillow again…twice this week grrr…”
“On early call out for a military exercise, one of my colleagues used this excuse: I had to round up a group of Giraffes on the motorway (…”

Twitter, tweet, business, keywords, spam
Hm. Do we see a trend developing in this search stream?

My guess is that these accounts directly relate to the first example I mentioned: Paid Twitter followers. This then leads me to my final point, and please excuse my use of all caps, but: NEVER PAY FOR TWITTER FOLLOWERS. The likelihood that your account will be followed by the garbage accounts above is pretty high, and they will do nothing for you. Organically building your Twitter presence will get you real followers (and the occasional bot that will follow you, but what can you do?) and will create a community of conversation that will actually be useful to you. Take the time to put out interesting, relevant content, follow other people and businesses that you find interesting and they will often return the favor if they find your content worthwhile.

What other kind of Twitter spam have you seen, besides the notorious bikini-clad porn accounts? Any other creative things you’ve seen? Have any of you bought into the ‘pay for followers’ scheme already, and if so, what kind of followers did you see?

Let me know below with your comments. Also, be sure to check out some of the best/worst REAL Twitter users have to offer by checking out my weekly post, Found Tweet Friday.

Thanks for reading. Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

October 25th, 2012 (For all you horror movie fans, today is Chucky, the Notorious Killer Doll Day, also World Pasta Day. Yum!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • exercise…ex…er…cise…..ex…ar…..size……eggs…are…sides….for bacon. bacon. (Yeah, that thought process sounds about right…)
  • Any time you’re feeling pretty accomplished, remember that Stevie Wonder is blind and you can’t play piano. (well, I was feeling awesome.)
  • He shaved his eyebrows and wears a fucking mermaid tail while he raps on a pogo stick! He’s so interesting! (I mean, I think I’d at least give that a look. Where’s the YouTube video for this guy??)
  • Totally just sneezed into my hair and got a booger stuck in it in front of a customer. #fail (Ew. And…just ew.)
  • October, go home, you are drunk. Stop being summer, drunk October. (I’d just like to add #Texas to the end of this.)
  • Honey Boo Boo’s mother has a boyfriend and you’re single. Just let that sink in for a moment… (Ouch…)
  • That time dad lied to mom about pulling out and mom lied to dad about taking the pill and BAM! Awesomest person ever was born. (;  (That’s…uh…quite a way to celebrate your conception, but good for you!)
  • a serious relationship will get you pregnant before it gets you a ring ladies . sad reality right ? (Wow, what reality are you living in buddy? I’ll tell everyone I know to steer clear.)
  • if i told you that a flower bloomed in a dark room would you trust it (I…just don’t know. This is a seriously deep, contemplative question.)
  • Just for the record, I never wanted this to happen. My core vowels said stick through it. (I don’t think A,E,I,O,U and sometimes Y were what were telling you to press on my friend.)
  • Right now thousands of white women in San Francisco are doing a blind zombie march into the sun’s asshole. (WHAT?)
  • Still not 100% sure that Jeepers Creepers monster is not in my back yard and I saw that movie like 10 years ago. (Some things just stick with us. We can’t pick and choose.)
  • at the end of the game the king and the pawn go in the same box . (I actually like this. It probably was said by someone famous, which means credit should be given.)
  • That awkward moment when it’s a cold day & the toilet seat at the stadium is warm… (This made me uncomfortable for this person…)
  • Feeling like the Little Engine that Could…with a whole lot of expletives. (That’s like me at the gym!)
  • Just saw a man literally cut in half from an accident and was still alive…the most disturbing thing I’ve ever seen! (And you think YOU’RE having a bad day…)
  • Lololol Michael thinks he deserves everything. Dude, you have Fs and a felony. You deserve a bed and food. Fuck you. (#ToughTwitterLove)
  • Our generation doesn’t ring the doorbell. We text or call to say we’re outside (This couldn’t be more true…)
  • The best time to propose at a restaurant is right after you order but before you pull up to the window. (Somewhere in the middle of the tweet, we took a wrong turn.)
  • Damn lunch break is done and I’m still teaching the brown whale how to swim (I…don’t believe I’ve heard that one before.)
  • Does the purple cat bark at the right place on the hairy mole when the rooster wakes up? (Who…what….I….my brain just fell out.)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.