Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

November 2, 2012 (National Deviled Egg Day! Delicious! Also, COOKIE MONSTER DAY!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • I hate it when I’m driving down the street in my car and I spit out the window and the window is shut (Ew. Just…y’know. Don’t spit out the window then.)
  • My Halloween Costume: Shark pajamas and a calendar around my neck. I’m going as Shark Week (Now that’s just clever)
  • Getting the urge to walk around with my iPad 2 on my shoulder like a 1980s boombox. #oldtech #bigisbeautiful (Post iPad mini announcement nostalgia)
  • lol I pooped during lunch.. #SentYouPics (No. This is NOT how you should use the technology)
  • My costume is so inappropriate that I’m debating making a sign that says slut on it and attaching it to my forehead #yolo (Well, at least you’re being honest with yourself…)
  • DON’T TAG ME IN IT JUST TELL THEM MY BUTT SURGERY WENT WRONG (There’s a reeeeaally interesting story here…)
  • I believe it has to be Vodka, Bourbon has food coloring and is not a clear beverage. (Hmm…what kind of bourbon are YOU drinking?)
  • I’m YOLOing so hard this week (I think there should have been a #YOLOweek along with this. We can celebrate it like we do SharkWeek)
  • I can’t wait for #RomneyRyan2012: where Rape is birth control, Russia is evil, and China is our drunk-walk home from the bar hate-fuck. #GOP (w….wow. That’s a bright future…)
  • Fuck rope courses. Hot pot is the best teambuilding exercise. (This guy’s on to something)
  • UGH WHY COULDN’T SATAN HAVE BEEN BORN ON A WEEKEND (Um…there seems to be a misunderstanding here…)
  • Halloween PSA for murderers: don’t poison candy corn because nobody eats candy corn because candy corn is wax (At least someone is looking out for those poor murderers who don’t want their time wasted.)
  • You can’t even spell, and my son will be an athlete while yours is an illiterate douche (I say DAMN. Burn.)
  • Im so sore, I think next time I need to drop it like its luke warm……………. (Literally LOL-ed in the office when I read this.)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Twitter Spammers Are Stealing Your Tweets

Twitter, followers, tweets, spam, fake, accounts
Never tastes as good as you hope it will…

With each technology that advances our culture, there is the inevitable down side. With the telephone came bad telemarketing and phone scams, with the television came crappy infomercials (and in my opinion, reality TV), and with the internet came spam. Each of these has advanced in their own way, and the typical scheme has been to sell you something. Twitter spam is becoming it’s own beast and seems to serve multiple functions. Some are pretty obvious, like the:

“Hey @robzie81, how would you like 1,000 followers in 5 minutes? Click here —> http://bit.ly/clickforgarbage”

Or one of my recent favorites:

“@robzie81 Someone is spreading vicious rumors about you http://bit.ly/clickitstupid”

These ones get the delete pretty quickly, but there are some that I’ve seen becoming pervasive in the Twittersphere that are a different breed. They’re Twitter accounts, obviously made by people who’s first language is not English, with stock images as their avatar and occasionally very poorly written bios. These accounts typically have a handful of followers, likely from their own circle, pretty legit sounding names, and the content of the tweets is typically flush with keywords. Some are copy/pasted from other users’ tweets, with any @ references removed and thus making them make no sense, like:

“Can’t wait for my training session with #itsbeentoolong”

Something seems out of place there, doesn’t it? I also come across some other copy/pasted versions that seem legit at first, until you see them show up 30 times in a search, word for word. Examples:

“Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless legs. If you want impress us, please shave a gorilla.”
“I’m so hungry! “Didn’t you just eat?” “Yeah… So?””
“My poor school 😦 I have lost everything in my classroom. Floods up to my waist took over everything. God help us. :(”
“I wasn’t that drunk ‘Dude, you were in my closet yelling “where the heck is narnia”‘

There are some tweets that are poorly written, but are obviously targeted to show up in business searches. Keywords for everything from spas and salons, gyms and restaurants are planted in tweets like the below:

“It’s my lucky day..I buy new bikini with 50% off :)”
“hello friends…,is there anyone ever try acai berry, i heard it’s good for diet and health”
“I am thinking about getting a 1971 Ford Pinto for a new car”
“Oh no, my dog pee on my pillow again…twice this week grrr…”
“On early call out for a military exercise, one of my colleagues used this excuse: I had to round up a group of Giraffes on the motorway (…”

Twitter, tweet, business, keywords, spam
Hm. Do we see a trend developing in this search stream?

My guess is that these accounts directly relate to the first example I mentioned: Paid Twitter followers. This then leads me to my final point, and please excuse my use of all caps, but: NEVER PAY FOR TWITTER FOLLOWERS. The likelihood that your account will be followed by the garbage accounts above is pretty high, and they will do nothing for you. Organically building your Twitter presence will get you real followers (and the occasional bot that will follow you, but what can you do?) and will create a community of conversation that will actually be useful to you. Take the time to put out interesting, relevant content, follow other people and businesses that you find interesting and they will often return the favor if they find your content worthwhile.

What other kind of Twitter spam have you seen, besides the notorious bikini-clad porn accounts? Any other creative things you’ve seen? Have any of you bought into the ‘pay for followers’ scheme already, and if so, what kind of followers did you see?

Let me know below with your comments. Also, be sure to check out some of the best/worst REAL Twitter users have to offer by checking out my weekly post, Found Tweet Friday.

Thanks for reading. Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

October 25th, 2012 (For all you horror movie fans, today is Chucky, the Notorious Killer Doll Day, also World Pasta Day. Yum!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • exercise…ex…er…cise…..ex…ar…..size……eggs…are…sides….for bacon. bacon. (Yeah, that thought process sounds about right…)
  • Any time you’re feeling pretty accomplished, remember that Stevie Wonder is blind and you can’t play piano. (well, I was feeling awesome.)
  • He shaved his eyebrows and wears a fucking mermaid tail while he raps on a pogo stick! He’s so interesting! (I mean, I think I’d at least give that a look. Where’s the YouTube video for this guy??)
  • Totally just sneezed into my hair and got a booger stuck in it in front of a customer. #fail (Ew. And…just ew.)
  • October, go home, you are drunk. Stop being summer, drunk October. (I’d just like to add #Texas to the end of this.)
  • Honey Boo Boo’s mother has a boyfriend and you’re single. Just let that sink in for a moment… (Ouch…)
  • That time dad lied to mom about pulling out and mom lied to dad about taking the pill and BAM! Awesomest person ever was born. (;  (That’s…uh…quite a way to celebrate your conception, but good for you!)
  • a serious relationship will get you pregnant before it gets you a ring ladies . sad reality right ? (Wow, what reality are you living in buddy? I’ll tell everyone I know to steer clear.)
  • if i told you that a flower bloomed in a dark room would you trust it (I…just don’t know. This is a seriously deep, contemplative question.)
  • Just for the record, I never wanted this to happen. My core vowels said stick through it. (I don’t think A,E,I,O,U and sometimes Y were what were telling you to press on my friend.)
  • Right now thousands of white women in San Francisco are doing a blind zombie march into the sun’s asshole. (WHAT?)
  • Still not 100% sure that Jeepers Creepers monster is not in my back yard and I saw that movie like 10 years ago. (Some things just stick with us. We can’t pick and choose.)
  • at the end of the game the king and the pawn go in the same box . (I actually like this. It probably was said by someone famous, which means credit should be given.)
  • That awkward moment when it’s a cold day & the toilet seat at the stadium is warm… (This made me uncomfortable for this person…)
  • Feeling like the Little Engine that Could…with a whole lot of expletives. (That’s like me at the gym!)
  • Just saw a man literally cut in half from an accident and was still alive…the most disturbing thing I’ve ever seen! (And you think YOU’RE having a bad day…)
  • Lololol Michael thinks he deserves everything. Dude, you have Fs and a felony. You deserve a bed and food. Fuck you. (#ToughTwitterLove)
  • Our generation doesn’t ring the doorbell. We text or call to say we’re outside (This couldn’t be more true…)
  • The best time to propose at a restaurant is right after you order but before you pull up to the window. (Somewhere in the middle of the tweet, we took a wrong turn.)
  • Damn lunch break is done and I’m still teaching the brown whale how to swim (I…don’t believe I’ve heard that one before.)
  • Does the purple cat bark at the right place on the hairy mole when the rooster wakes up? (Who…what….I….my brain just fell out.)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

September 28, 2012 (It’s. Drink. Beer. Day! You have a holiday’s permission to have a great weekend.)

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • Dear macho man going for a run in the rain, when you come to the front desk, turn off your iPod. I hear your TSwift plain as day. (busted dude…)
  • I’m REALLY high, & my mom came back from the dentist & her mouth was numb so she talked sloppy. My laugh x10 DEAR LORD. Cx
  • The one day I come home for lunch..and the dog throws up, and then eats it back up. I don’t want to live here anymore. #timetomoveout (I don’t think that’s an overreaction at all…)
  • They designed the iPhone 5 to fit perfectly in your pocket. Right where your money used to be. (Oooh burrrrn.)
  • bummed to realize my ipod is dead as i arrive at the gym. BUT universe threw me a bone: burly man doing 30 mins of dead lifts. in HOT PANTS. (Hooray for small victories?)
  • Please go see #Lawless so they continue to make movies like it. Also, take birth control or you will be pregnant w/ Tom Hardy’s babies after (Maybe they should sell protection at the door)
  • A hairy window broke a silly pineapple with a blue fridge and everyday a grape licks a friendly cow. (You figure it out…)
  • She had wrinkles in her pleated skirt.. that’s IRONic (wah wah waaaaaah)
  • Mom Trying to have the straight talk with me in the car ride… To the Mall. TO GO SHOPPING (Kind of seems to defeat the purpose, either way)
  • @xxxxxxxx: “I’m going to a wedding Saturday. Do I need a haircut?” @xxxxxxxxx: “Did you just ask if you needed a handpuppet? Yes!” (Who doesn’t need a handpuppet at a wedding? Obviously.)
  • Headed to an AYCE Brazilian steakhouse tonight. Couldn’t be more excited. Bring on the #brotein! (Please, no one brand the term Brotein. Please.)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

September 14, 2012 (Also, National Creme-filled Donut Day. Go ahead. It’s official.)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • Sorry, but your baby’s “unique” name sounds like a treatment for Erectile Disfunction. (Well that’s an unfortunate choice)
  • What my night consists of babysitting Chinese food and tumblr.. (Punctuation is important, folks)
  • If this week-long dizziness and headache thing kills me, I just want you all to know… …I only like about six of you guys. (#deathbedtruths)
  • You know that Lucas changed the ending for this re-release. Turns out Luke is actually Indy’s father. (OH the plot twists!!)
  • This is my fav part ” the cat sat unplug the ringer for the father and plug the phone and so the Anaconda Didn’t work” (Aaaand my brain just fell off)
  • I don’t get jealous if I see my ex with someone else. Because my parents always taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate. (oooh, burn.)
  • there were 4 guys in the back seat of my car and they all had boners hahaha (…cue porn music?)
  • Chuckin up the deuces to my long huuuurrrr #haircut (I understand the words on Twitter less and less with each passing day)
  • Hi fella. Late reply. I don’t tweeter much because of violent sneezing that hemorrhages blood from my swimsuit area when I type. (I just…don’t even know where to begin)
  • It smells like used birth control pills in this bathroom (I’m not even…what?)
There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

3 Tips for Doing Twitter Outreach Without Being a Creep

By now you’ve probably heard that social media does not follow the Field of Dreams mantra: “If you build it, they will come.” (I know, for all you die hard Field of Dreams fans, that’s not the factually accurate quote. But that’s what it has become in pop culture so bear with me.) Simply setting up your social media profiles and waiting for people to come swarming to them will just not happen. You have to give them a reason to come to your page. You have to seek them out by knowing your business, knowing your customers, and knowing your community. One great way to seek out potential customers is by doing Twitter outreach. I’m not going to go through the use of Twitter’s search features here. Those articles have already been written by much more knowledgeable bloggers to varying degrees. I did recently write a guest post for Main Street Hub, a social media management company that focuses on local businesses, in which I discuss three tips for doing Twitter outreach without coming across as a creep or spambot. Twitter is fraught with both, so differentiating yourself from them is critical. You can read the post here:

What are your thoughts on Twitter outreach? Have you been reached out to or poached successfully? What did the person do that worked, or didn’t? Do you have any more tips to add? Let me know below with your comments. Thanks for reading. Now go get your social on! Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

September 7, 2012 (Salami Day and National Beer Lover’s Day – Prost!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • “Gingeritus” isn’t a disease. I hope you meant “Gingivitus” in which you should visit a dentist . (Good advice, for spelling and for dental hygiene…)
  • Time to poop and brush my teeth. why isn’t there a tooth brush emoji? (That’s the least of my questions…)
  • Have a legit idea of how to make my dream of Steven’s Hard Beer. How do you turn inventions into reality? #GetHardBeforeYouGoHard (Quite a slogan, Steve…)
  • Its ugly out anyways….ima jus go 2 da grocery store cop hella zoom zooms & wam wams & make it a cinema weekend (It’s he’s speaking a foreign language…)
  • Your face gave my cat cancer… (Wow, that cuts deep. Real deep.)
  • Lmao I forgot how acclimated I am to the shitty texas weather until I’m with someone not used to sweltering in satan’s ballsac (A rather accurate description of the weather at times here in Texas)
  • How come I have to pick up after my dog when I’m hiking, but I have to hike around horse poo? #itsenormous (You can’t argue that he has a valid point…)
  • I need to clean up my diet do badly because I want healthy daily poop #mymotivation (I mean, you have to find motivation somewhere. Why is there so much about poop this week?)
  • @snooki it’s not really a fam since ur not married. (So…that’s your definition of family, huh?)
  • my boyfriend named his new car after a Downton Abbey character so don’t you dare say he’s not a renaissance man. (Gents, guess that makes you a keeper.)
  • My brother was in a horrible car accident on his way to pick up lunch today. It’s really bad guys, I need your prayers. I’m SOOO hungry! (Twitter A.D.D. much?)
  • Imma need to learn Spanish. My skin colour and the size of my behind demand it in these parts. #merica
  • Just saw a movie trailer where Clint Eastwood kicks over a coffee table…maybe he thought it was Joe Biden. (Yeah, sorry Republicans, this made me literally laugh out loud. Like in the real sense, not the “lol” sense.)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

August 31st, 2012 (I hear it’s “Love Litigating Lawyers Day” So, um, hug a lawyer, I guess. Or just celebrate Labor Day for four days.)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • Can’t decide what to get for my first car. BMW, Porshe, Mercedes Benz, or Range Rover? #whitekidproblems (Wow. For that, I hope you get NO car. Tool.)
  • DID YOU GET A HAIRCUT? No, I just dyed the tips of my hair invisible. (Oh! You jus’ so clever!)
  • A bikini waxing boutique just asked me to connect on LinkedIn. #seriously #whensocialmediagoeswrong
  • My dog just ate a frog. Then threw the frog up. (I guess it could be worse. You could be the frog.)
  • My gf rubs my stomach while I Pooh bear (does….does this mean what I think it means…?)
  • I’ve been waiting for an oil change/repairs for 3 hours and someone just told me the mechanic quit his job in the middle of working on it? (Think YOU’RE having a bad day?)
  • A world first: Bionic eye transplant lets blind woman see http://t.co/QQjlKUlO (You GUYS, Terminators are coming. But also, this is amazing.)
  • Women’s Wrestling matches drag like a wedding dress. I’m w the Taliban when it comes to this stuff. (Well, I mean, you know how well the Taliban is liked in the U.S. right? Maybe you don’t want to announce that.)
  • So the moral of the story is yolo but if you do drugs too much you’ll olo w/fucked up teeth & a burnt off face & maybe no legs or friends (Way to be a YOLO downer…)
  • Driving with the hood of my car down (I don’t think that word means what you think it means…)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

LinkedIn’s Profile Facelift, and a Feature You May Not Know About

As many of you have probably heard or seen, LinkedIn announced that it is giving profiles a facelift and working on making the site better equipped for social interaction. This surely is in part due to the split from Twitter. If you haven’t seen the changes on your profile and mobile apps already, you will soon. It’s cleaner, clearer and an undeniable upgrade. Here is a great article outlining some of the major changes and discussing how they may effect you. Perhaps it’s time to spruce things up a bit on your profile.

While checking out my shiny new page, I noticed that LinkedIn is focusing even more on the important stuff. As you scroll down my page, you see my summary, experience, publications, and projects. In that order. This means that as people are viewing your previous experience, they are likely to see your Projects too. Are you using this great, but highly undervalued feature on LinkedIn? I’ve included a video below explaining how to add one, and the great benefits that come along with creating Projects (like strengthening and increasing your connections). I guest posted about this on Entrepreneur Magazine columnist Starr Hall’s blog a couple months ago, but I feel it bears mentioning again.


What are your thoughts on this feature? What do you think of LinkedIn’s new profile pages? Do you have any speculation as to what’s coming next for the professional network? Let me know below with your comments.

Thanks for reading. Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

August 24, 2012 (Good: National Waffle Day! Bad: Pluto Demoted from a Planet Day)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • Saw a guy with a Walkman. Wondering if my Audi’s flux capacitor kicked in when I hit 88 MPH. (Nerdy, yet douchey at the same time)
  • A Maserati just backed into a BMW (@ Starbucks) (Expensive day for someone)
  • Moral of the story if you eating the nanny you basically eating yogurt (Um, what the hell was the story??)
  • Forgot to shave my Pitts, now I have ll cool berries (Gross, yet funny)
  • FACT : 70% of women use a smile to hide emotional pain.” (You can’t state it as a fact if it is not, in actuality, a fact. Show me your statistics…)
  • I’d have to call what my kids are doing right now a kind of cross between wilding and Pokemon LARP… #feral
  • Damn. Someone in this office smells like a wet dog slathered with mayonaise. (Ew…)
  • Well, The Mildred Pierce Miniseries can certainly be filed under “birth control” (Hallelujah sister)
  • The frog has been found. Funeral is set for this evening. Dog is innocent. Daughter is sad. #BadDay #FirstWorldProblems
  • What is everyone’s Obsession with instagraming their nails? Maybe I should start posting my freshly trimmed pubies every time (I mean…it’s your Instagram. Do what you want…)
  • tip of the day: *never* do an image search for “that’s big” without turning SafeSearch ON! oh my. (File that one under ‘Obvious’)
  • I’ve hit the late summer allergies. Mid afternoon my brain goes all Blue Screen of Death. (And we all know that means you have to shut down and reboot, right?)
  • take a breath & just think about how you’re not engaged to chad kroeger, and that should make you feel better
  • Why aren’t I engaged to Avril Lavigne.. I’m much more attractive than Chad and my hair doesn’t resemble Ramen Noodles
  • Niall its not ok to wear your hair like that u know it makes me peel my shins off (I mean, I know some of these One Directioners are a little off, but what the hell??)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.