Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

June 29th (Waffle Iron Day! YES!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • I bought some Icy Hot for my sore shoulder, and now I smell … old. (Could be worse. Could be Ben Gay)
  • I need a @ShinerBeer redbird so bad. Best beer ever! (I strongly contest this statement. Strongly.)
  • I think Grover just got raped by an elephant in the bathtub. (Wait, what? Oh, my childhood)
  • Let’s eat Grandma: http://t.co/gq8DvAsQ (Yay punctuation jokes!)
  • “No, Crocs are not running shoes,” I cried out to the wave of running Crocs lovers as they trampled any hope I had for humanity. (How? HOW do people run in Crocs? It just ain’t right.)
  • These double d’s are so happy Saucony makes a great running bra!!! (Yet another reason I’m happy to be a dude)
  • My aunt came over for dinner and she looks like a fucking hooker. Omg. (Just gotta love family bonding – or is that bondage?)
  • I got so much swag I could sell in a store swag for sale sushi (This started off making sense, and then went off the deep end…)
  • yeah..um were over..sorry monica. just didn’t work out. okbye (And you thought breaking up over the phone was bad)
  • my friend smears vaseline all over her face every night. She says it’s cheap moisterizer. is that right? #beauty #makeup (Ew. Really. People do that. Doesn’t that, like, grease up your pillow? Or your everything?)
  • the guy who ate the other guy’s face off in Miami wasn’t on bath salts, they only found weed in his system.. good luck legalizing it now (It does build a pretty strong case, even if that’s not the cause of his face eating dementia.)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

June 22, 2012 (Is your dog by your side? It’s National Take Your Dog to Work Day!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. This week, however, Twitter was pretty boring (not to mention alternating between functioning and completely crashed)! So I’ve collected a few below, and added a couple other things that should make you chuckle, because I know you still need a laugh to finish off the week. Enjoy, and give your dog a treat if you brought it to work (or if you work from home).

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • anon paid for 6 active duty soldier’s drinks at orlando airport bar. Unexpected: 2 ritas, 4 cosmos 😉 (Sometimes, the world doesn’t suck.)
  • running from the law (Please tell me this guy is literally tweeting while jumping fences and running from the police. Please.)
  • I’m so breaded you can call my money fish sticks.
T-Rex Trying is a hilarious Tumblr full of pictures by Hugh Murphy depicting the many things a poor T-Rex simply cannot do. Great for a laugh any time, these are usually very clever.
The Oatmeal informs and entertains (as it does so well) by telling how Nikola Tesla is responsible for pretty much every luxury we enjoy today. Really interesting, and completely hilarious.
Nikola Tesla the original geek

There you are folks! I will try to keep this going on a weekly basis. Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great ones worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

May 25th (National Geek Pride Day, as it turns out!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • if you’re one of those people that don’t pick up your dog’s shit then I actually hate you and hope you get gum stuck in your hair (This is included because I agree with this statement. Wholeheartedly.)
  • Damn I wanted too go too changes too get a pedi today but I forgot I got too work. (At least there’s consistency…sigh…)
  • Say NO to racism. Be like a panda: They’re black, white, and Asian… but not Mexican… so be like a panda holding a taco. (#twttr4equalityy…we’ve still so far to go.)
  •  hairy bumhole. Nipples come in all shapes and sizes, but hairy bumhole is quite preventable (While a true statement, the mental image that is conjured just makes me dry heave. Ew.)
  • …..so apparently there are bridal uggs, is that weird or is that weird (Sure, weird it ONE word for it. At least the bride would be comfortable. Right? Are Uggs comfortable? I honestly don’t know.)
  • The loose skin at the point of your elbow is often known as a “weenus”….you’re welcome (The more you knooooooow)
  • “WAS IT A CAR OR A CAT I SAW” is the only full English sentence that, when read in reverse, will be the same. #randomfact” (These are the kind of random facts I love. Did you already know this?)
  • I was going to buy a new car today. Turns out I’m short a down payment, a better job, and 400 points on my credit score. So close! (The sad, sad 140 character story. Poor fella.)
  • Impromptu to heal shopping in sweats is priceless. People look at you weird rocking heals in sweats. But hey I got two pairs of sweet heals. (*sigh* The homophone strikes again…)
On an unrelated note, I downloaded the Facebook Camera app that just released yesterday. I may write a full post on it once I play with it a bit more this weekend, but I’d like to hear others’ initial thoughts. I’m a little peeved that it forces you to turn location services on just to access your photo roll. I don’t even have location services allowed on Facebook. The app’s functionality closely resembles Instagram (which would finally resolve the question of why Facebook bought Instagram) but allows you to upload multiple pictures at one time, which is a nice time saving feature. I’m not sure that being able to upload multiple pictures at the same time is worth always having to have location services activated. We’ll see. For those of you who do not have iOS (i.e. Android and Windows phone users) or are not currently in English-speaking countries, you’re not missing a whole lot thus far if you have have Instagram, unless you absolutely feel the need to flood your Timeline with multiple photos at one time.

There you are folks! I will try to keep this going on a weekly basis. Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great ones worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

May 18, 2012

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • Was told this weekend is a Mexican holiday…I must ride a wooden stick horse with no pants, wear a fake moustache, and sleep in vomit! (I’m fairly certain those things have absolutely nothing to do with Cinco de Mayo. Ah, America…)
  • Klout thinks im influential about running. I hate running. (You expected Klout to know the real you…?)
  • Give your mom something she really deserves this Mother’s Day: an apology. (Ouch. That’s a dim outlook. Sorry mom…?)
  • Overheard: “That guy should be in a retirement home, ’cause he’s a pervert.” (Sound right. I’ve heard about those old men at retirement homes. They kind of ARE perverts…)
  • Will exchange sexual acts for new house slippers! #anytakers? #oldladytweets? (Boy the standards have gone down these days…)
  • Facebook status: “How short should I get my hair cut?” Comment: “Just cut a mundane-question-that-no-one-cares-about’s worth.” (SOMEone was in a mood…)
  • A dog who attends a flea circus most likely will steal the whole show. (Two drums and cymbal fall off a cliff)
  • To lazy too pee (You get a D- for effort. You’re lucky I don’t fail you…)
  • I always wanted a baby manatee. An adult manatee would never fit in my bathtub (It makes sense, yet is still so ridiculous…)
  • I hope my job’s hair gets sucked into the back of hell’s hair dryer, eaten in a Faustian quiche & twosied out of satan’s bifurcated humdrum (I…just…wait. What…?)
  • Wonder if iron man even irons his own clothes… And what if he’s anemic for lack or Iron? Wouldn’t it be ironic? #epictweet (You have now ruined the word iron…)

There you are folks! I will try to keep this going on a weekly basis. Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great ones worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com

I’m also on the hunt for guest bloggers, so if you’re interesting, have a point of view and a personality, and love social media, send me an email. Bonus points if you like to blog about social media for small and local business!

Now go get your social on!

Subscribe to this blog on Google Currents!

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

May 11th, 2012

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • I woke and my lick was in my living room my fuckin grandma lets anyone in (Grandma’s a free spirit, what can she say? And it’s your own fault for leaving your lick in the living room…..Wait. What’s a lick, anyway? Someone help me with this one.)
  • Fact #20- two nude self portraits of me currently hang on display in my parents’ living room. Yeah, that’s me West Bend. Deal with it. (Well that’s just awkward…I mean, I guess they’re really proud parents, right?)
  • me &my mama havin a Movie night in the living room on friday.. Just like the good old days -when i was an ONLY child. (Yikes! Sibling rivalry much?)
  • When you’re out to dinner with your dad and he sees someone he knows and leaves you to go talk to them. #stranded #potato (One of these hash tags is not like the other)
  • If u gt dne wrg by family dnt unexpect that frm sumbdy thats nt. #JustSayn (WHY? WHY do you hate the vowels?? What did they ever (I do to you?)
  • Every time some douche decides to wear a polo shirt Satan steals the souls of six babies. Please, save them and don’t wear that shit ever (I wonder how many he steals if you pop the collar? Does it double?)
  • food menu is legit and the boot well if you can walk away from it you a better man then me i drank what and got home how ??? hahah (In re: to a 3 liter beer boot. Obviously, written post consumption)
  • oooh nice! We have naked babies running around here tonight cuz of the heat lol. I’m just watching tv (Wait, shouldn’t you be watching the naked babies so they don’t, y’know, hurt themselves?)
  • Mom is half off on Mothers Day! Come join us at ********** (Business name withheld for obvious reasons. Who sells half off moms on Mother’s Day? Have some dignity people! Or some grammar. You had plenty of characters left in your tweet to fix that…)
  • I’ve never seen a Brazilian woman’s breasts, but I can only assume pineapples and other tropical fruits grow from them (It’s unfortunate how sorely let down he may be one day.)
  • Horse Massage Therapist Opens for Business (I have a feeling, in this economy, this might be a tough racket to keep afloat.)
BONUS: For those of you who, like me, were excited this week to hear President Obama’s (albeit politically motivated) endorsement of gay marriage, here is a funny Tumblr full of GIFs to make you giggle. Have a great weekend.

There you are folks! I will try to keep this going on a weekly basis. Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great ones worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com

Now go get your social on!

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

May 4th 2012 (Happy Star Wars Day! May the 4th be with you!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

-Boy your lips taste like the night of champion ! (Judging how champions celebrate their big nights, I don’t know that this is a compliment…)
– Why was the frog sitting at the bustop…? Because his car got TOAD! *slaps knee* (But I grew up being told that Frog and Toad are Friends)
– Funny, because avocados are fruit, which means they’re more like ovaries than anything else. (So what does that make guacamole?)
– The 5 second rule : ( food hits the floor) Germs: Get it! Get it! Hurry! King Germ: No no no relax. We gotta wait 5 seconds, it’s the rule (And all this time, I thought it was just a human rule. Turns out, the germs actually follow it too, huh?)
– Yayy I was drawing blood today & I got it (Best bet is that she was talking about Draw Something. Oh how the internet has changed our lingo)
– Fun fact: the average human body contains enough bones to make up an entire human skeleton. (Wow. Had I but known! This would have been great knowledge to know in school. Thanks for nothing internet!)

There you are folks! I will try to keep this going on a weekly basis. Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great ones worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com

Now go get your social on!

Found Tweet Friday

Found Tweet Friday!

Friday April 27th, 2012:

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

– Some guy is casually scratching his face with his middle finger in my direction. I don’t even know I pissed this guy off. (Maybe he was doing that elementary school “I’m going to act like I hate you to flirt with you” kind of thing…)
– I was jerking infront of these kids and the girl i was with, and some kid wanted too battle me when i was just messing around (Ok, so where did YOUR mind go with this one?)
– Feminist group is sueing LEGO b/c they made a spa set with girl figures & they want the girl figures to be building a spaceshuttle… #women (But I’ll bet those #women can SPELL…so there’s that)
– i hate having to fight with nails on cus now my shit sore . . (Or maybe you just don’t fight. I’m just saying…)
– Girl you special like I met you in a slow class . (Ladies, if this works on any of you, we can’t be friends)
– Its crazy how I was walking home nd some dude was watching porn on a big ass flat screen lol . (Guy with the tv, if you’re reading…cuuuuuurtains.)
– U got a dig bick U that read wrong U read dat wrong 2 (Yeah. Read it again slowly. I admit. I fell for it too. Man…)
– This big ass salad is making me need to shit! Well what goes in must come out! #ThatsTheCircleOfLifeKids (Maybe not EVERY thought should be tweeted, yeah?)
– If I had the chance to drop kick you in the face.trust me you little crotch pheasant I would. (Well, THAT’S a new term…Can someone please render up a drawing of a “crotch pheasant”?)
– #YoGirlDontLoveYouIf she don’t massage your weener. (“The more you knooooooow”)
– Oh joy, the person in the next hotel room has decided to build a tower of squirrels. (Wait….WHAT? WHERE WAS YOUR INSTAGRAM PHOTO OF THAT??)

There you are folks! Some of the best and worst that Twitter has to offer. Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great ones worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com. Maybe the one you find will make next week’s Found Tweet Friday!

Now go get your social on!

Found Tweet Friday

Found Tweet Friday!

I’m starting a new section of my blog that will contain a little lighter fare, and be a little less on the marketing messages side. I’m calling it Found Tweet Friday. Read on friends!

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:
– potatoes have skin. i have skin therefore im a potato. (Twitter logic at its finest)
– I just gave a dude a bro hug and my lips touched his earlobe and now I want to quit the earth
– I don’t know who invented the Root Beer Float, but I’d shake that fuckers hand! (I’m actually inclined to agree)
– Hoes wanna assassinate my character but I ain’t acting
– Just found a full can of snuff in my truck #winning (It’s the little things that make Twitter-goers happy)
– Dear men, Actually our dream isn’t finding the perfect guy, it’s being able to eat without getting fat. Sincerely, women. (All this time, we men were completely led astray!)
– Katy Perry: blue hair, Nicki Minaj: pink hair, Rihanna red hair Lady Gaga: green hair THE FUCKING POWER RANGERS ARE BACK! (Go Go Power Rangers!)
– Listening to The Black Keys makes me want to fist pump, bop my head, and proclaim, “Fuck yeah! I’m white!”
– I Would Jus love It If It Wass juss Mhe && Him Talkinn Butt Yhuu knoo Kant have thatt Kuss HOES Dhese dayss ! (If I could see past the grammar and spelling, I’d feel kinda sad for this woman)
– First world problems of the social media consultant (part 2): They ALWAYS come to mow the grass during live Webinars. (thanks @jaybaer for this one)
– it smells like a turd covered in burnt hair #sexpanther (I don’t know how those two are related, and I don’t want to know)
-MY SON SAVED HIS FUCKING LIFE POINT BLANK PERIOD. I CAN STILL SEE MYSELF BEATING HIS FACE INTO THE GROUND. REAL SPIT. (Really makes you wanna know the rest of the story, doesn’t it?)
– i am a FEMALE. Fe=Iron. Male=Man. Therefore, i am Iron man. (She used the periodic table. Your argument is invalid)
– I’m learning how to make a girl cum off a massage at my barber. Haha.
– A car full of hipsters just pulled up beside me in the forks parking lot. Its a Volvo. I feel like they’re our families’ soul mates.
– passed out face down butt naked w/the door wide open last night, bet my bro enjoyed that (Where? WHERE was his bro’s @ reply to this??)

There you are folks! I will try to keep this going on a weekly basis. Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great ones worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com

Now go get your social on!